Quotes by Mike Royko

“Its been my policy to view the Internet not as an information highway, but as an electronic asylum filled with babbling loonies.”

“Hating the (New York) Yankees is as American as pizza pie, unwed mothers, and cheating on your income tax”

“The subject of criminal rehabilitation was debated recently in City Hall. Its an appropriate place for this kind of discussion because the city has always employed so many ex-cons and future cons.”

“New York didnt need that 1969 pennant...all Cub fans wanted was that one measly pennant. It would have kept us happy until the twenty-first century. But New York took that from us and I can never forgive that.”

“When I asked him how long he had been driving a taxi, he said, Dree mouse.”

“I never went to a John Wayne movie to find a philosophy to live by or to absorb a profound message. I went for the simple pleasure of spending a couple of hours seeing the bad guys lose.”

“So if you visit Chicago, enjoy the many great courses, the Midwestern friendliness, and the cities other amenities. But if a stranger with a goofy swing wants to play for more than loose change, take a pass. Its a long walk back to your hotel in bare feet.”

“Hey, Dennis, this is Mike! Kick me, please! Ill settle for the price of a set of golf clubs.”

“Whether one eats a cat or not is a personal choice, and I dont want to sway anyone one way or another. But if you do, there is one obvious cooking tip: Always remember to remove the bell from the cats collar before cooking.”

“The Newberry seemed the perfect place for Mikes papers, ... Im sure he would be honored and humbled to know his columns and papers are in such good company with the works of his respected colleagues and those he admired. Now everything he saved, from his funny hand-written responses to readers to the get well letters he received, will be accessible to anyone who wants to see a more personal side of Mike.”

“Show me the worst school districts in Detroit, New York, Chicago and Los Angeles, and Ill show you parents that shouldnt be raising a Chia Pet, much less a child.”

Show me somebody who is always smiling, always cheerful, always optimistic, and I will show you somebody who hasnt the faintest idea what the heck is really going on.

If the regular pay was important to him, the opportunity to learn was of even greater long-range significance.

Go that way, past the viaduct, and the wops will jump you, or chase you into Jew town...Polacks would stomp on you...Micks will shower you with Irish confetti from the brickyards.

Its been my policy to view the Internet not as an information highway, but as an electronic asylum filled with babbling loonies.