Quotes by Melvin Helitzer

Enjoy how sweet how thoughtful how kind Im being on your birthday. Because tomorrow its back to the same old crap.

Id like to introduce a man with a lot of charm talent and wit. Unfortunately he couldnt be here tonight so instead . . .

I sort of feel like Cindy Crawfords new husband on their wedding night. I know whats expected of me. Im just not sure Ive got the ability to make it interesting.

When asked to contribute ten dollars to a lawyers funeral I said: Heres fifty. Bury five of them.

One thing I can guarantee you. You may not be a great deal wiser from my talk today but you will be a great deal older.