Quotes by Melody Beattie

I used to spend so much time reacting and responding to everyone else that my life had no direction. Other peoples lives, problems, and wants set the course for my life. Once I realized it was okay for me to think about and identify what I wanted, remarkable things began to take place in my life.

Make New Years goals. Dig within, and discover what you would like to have happen in your life this year. This helps you do your part. It is an affirmation that youre interested in fully living life in the year to come. Goals give us direction. They put a powerful force into play on a universal, conscious, and subconscious level. Goals give our life direction.What would you like to have happen in your life this year? What would you like to do, to accomplish? What good would you like to attract into your life? What particular areas of growth would you like to have happen to you? What blocks, or character defects, would you like to have removed?What would you like to attain? Little things and big things? Where would you like to go? What would you like to have happen in friendship and love? What would you like to have happen in your family life?What problems would you like to see solved? What decisions would you like to make? What would you like to happen in your career?Write it down. Take a piece of paper, a few hours of your time, and write it all down - as an affirmation of you, your life, and your ability to choose. Then let it go. The new year stands before us, like a chapter in a book, waiting to be written. We can help write that story by setting goals.

Once they have been affected---once it sets in---codependency takes on a life of its own. It is similar to catching pneumonia or picking up a destructive habit. Once youve got it, youve got it.If you want to get rid of it, YOU have to do something to make it go away. It doesnt matter whose fault it is. Your codependency becomes your problem; solving your problems is your responsibility.

You dont blast a heart open, she said. You coax and nurture it open, like the sun does to a rose.

Beliefs create reality

We Are Lovable Even if the most important person in your world rejects you, you are still real, and you are still okay. —Codependent No More Do you ever find yourself thinking: How could anyone possibly love me? For many of us, this is a deeply ingrained belief that can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Thinking we are unlovable can sabotage our relationships with co-workers, friends, family members, and other loved ones. This belief can cause us to choose, or stay in, relationships that are less than we deserve because we don’t believe we deserve better. We may become desperate and cling as if a particular person was our last chance at love. We may become defensive and push people away. We may withdraw or constantly overreact. While growing up, many of us did not receive the unconditional love we deserved. Many of us were abandoned or neglected by important people in our life. We may have concluded that the reason we weren’t loved was because we were unlovable. Blaming ourselves is an understandable reaction, but an inappropriate one. If others couldn’t love us, or love us in ways that worked, that’s not our fault. In recovery, we’re learning to separate ourselves from the behavior of others. And we’re learning to take responsibility for our healing, regardless of the people around us. Just as we may have believed that we’re unlovable, we can become skilled at practicing the belief that we are lovable. This new belief will improve the quality of our relationships. It will improve our most important relationship: our relationship with our self. We will be able to let others love us and become open to the love and friendship we deserve. Today, help me be aware of and release any self-defeating beliefs I have about being unlovable. Help me begin, today, to tell myself that I am lovable. Help me practice this belief until it gets into my core and manifests itself in my relationships.

Ever since people first existed, they have been doing all the things we label codependent. They have worried themselves sick about other people. They have tried to help in ways that didnt help. They have said yes when they meant no. They have tried to make other people see things their way. They have bent over backwards avoiding hurting peoples feelings and, in so doing, have hurt themselves. They have been afraid to trust their feelings. They have believed lies and then felt betrayed. They have wanted to get even and punish others. They have felt so angry they wanted to kill. They have struggled for their rights while other people said they didnt have any. They have worn sackcloth because they didnt believe they deserved silk.

If we want to change what happens, we change what we believe and expect.

Gratitude isnt a tool to manipulate the universe or God. Its a way to acknowledge our faith that everything happens for a reason even if we dont know what that reason is. ~Melody Beattie, 52 Weeks of Conscious Contact, pg. 34.

He talks about God, and loving God. he says that when we open to loving a person, whether that person is a spouse, friend, or child, we open our hearts to loving God. He says when we let someone love us, were opening our hearts to gods love. he says the acts are the same. p 19I decide loving isnt for the fain. Its for the courageous. p 19

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough and more. It turns denial into acceptance chaos to order confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast a house into a home a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.

Each moment in time we have it all even when we think we dont.

We have as much time as we need.

Its hard to give up the self-esteem connected to being codependent and appearing right, which is probably a survival behavior learned from growing up in a crazy family. It feels like you will actually disappear.

Twelve-step promotes spirituality, not religion. It gives a practical, day-to-day spirituality that tells me what I can and cannot control. There is room to be imperfect and to be someone who struggles to find God.

The new year stands before us, like a chapter in a book, waiting to be written. We can help write that story by setting goals.

Make New Years goals. Dig within, and discover what you would like to have happen in your life this year. This helps you do your part. It is an affirmation that youre interested in fully living life in the year to come.

Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.

We can trust ourselves to know when our boundaries are being violated.