Quotes by Melissa Febos

[Women] are conditioned to ever prove ourselves, as if our value is contingent on our ability to meet the expectations of others. As if our worth is a tank forever draining that we must fill and fill. We complete tasks and in some half-buried way believe that if we don’t, we will be discredited. Sometimes, this is true. But here is a question: Do you want to be a reliable source of literary art (or whatever writing you do), or of prompt emails?

We kissed for two hours. Eventually, I led him into my bedroom and pulled off both of our shirts. He stopped me.This might sound weird; its not typical guy response. I froze, suddenly awkward. I mean, if I didnt feel the way I do with you I would be all for it, but I kind of think maybe it would be good to wait. Ive rushed into sex, and had it be a mistake. He shrugged apologetically. I mean, if its safe to assume you are experiencing the same date that I am, then I think we will have time.I was a little flabbergasted and more than a little embarrassed. How could I explain that the idea sounded like a huge relief to me, that I didnt quite understand where the impulse to start taking my clothes off came from? I had had the same experience. I rarely enjoyed first-time sex with partners, largely because I usually did it before I really knew or trusted them. Here was where the difference between what I knew and did remained wide. The shame I felt wash over me was tinged with that hatred of my own innocence. Was I still so green? So unconfident? Had I gone straight out of the extremity of sex work to the innocence of my adolescence? Where was my self-knowledge? Still, I was relieved. Of course. I agree totally. I clutched my T-shirt to my chest and smiled at him. And yes, I am on the same date you are on.I thought so, he said. I mean, I dont think you can feel like this when its not reciprocal.He left at 2:00 A.M. and called me at 11:00 the next morning to schedule our second date.

Back and forth from Brooklyn to Manhattan. New York at night, from its bridges, is a miracle. When I first came to the city, it took all my fantasies and set them on fire, turned them into flickering constellations of light. Then it did the same with my history. As a dark speck of energy hurtling over the water toward that galaxy, I felt myself disappear. Relative to the image of infinity I was nothing, a clump of quantum matter skidding through the ether. It was as good as any drug.