Quotes by Matthew Heines

Special Post-Super Bowl Wisdom of the Ages: Eating Crow This year, it just tastes like Seahawk.

Wisdom of the Ages: Skull and Bones A secret society of spoiled twits whose apparent purpose in life is littering the landscape with as many as possible.

Wisdom of the Ages: Tooth Fairy Growing up in the Northwest was tough. For years I thought the Tooth Fairy was a big boat with cars and sharp teeth.

Wisdom of the Ages: The Pope and Congress It looks as if confidence in the American voter to exorcise the demons in the Capitol has completely fallen through.

Wisdom of the Ages: Soylent Green No matter how many times I see that movie, I still get a hankerin for a Big Mac.

Wisdom of the Ages: True Nobility Comes not from thinking one is better than others-it comes from working toward the betterment of all.

Wisdom of the Ages: Hillary Has replaced the term battle-axe to describe an undesirable mother-in-law in 37 languages.

Wisdom of the Ages Car Commercials One of the last times youre ever gonna see that overpriced s-box not stuck in a traffic jam.

Wisdom of the Ages: Wildlife Education When I was a kid, the only woodland creature I knew of was the squirrel. I guess thats why no one believed me when I told them a squirrel just ate two of my friends.

Wisdom of the Ages: Ski-ing The act of visiting Polish people.

Wisdom of the Ages: BS Has now replaced death, worthless IOUs and ignorance as Americas number one export.

Wisdom of the Ages: Friendship The only ship that can weather any storm.

Wisdom of the Ages: New Years Eve The last day you can do all the things you are resolving to give up-until you give up on your New Years resolutions.

Wisdom of the Ages The Marshawn US Armys new main battle tank. Runs over enemies instead of shooting them. Biggest expense: maintaining the dreadlocks hanging off the turret.

Special Super Bowl Wisdom of the Ages: Patriot Act In theater and football, its the last act before its curtains for Seahawks opponents.

Wisdom of the Ages: Ferguson Riots They were ready to tear America to shreds over their grief-right until the TV cameras left to cover the football games.

Special Super Bowl Wisdom of the Ages: Super Bowl Sunday Lost in a Roman wilderness of pain-and all the children are insane.- The Doors