Но все же во мне живет безумная надежда. Снисходительно посмеиваюсь сама над собой. Ребенком я так же упрямо надеялась, что никогда не умру. Надежда представляется мне слепым кротом, он живет во мне и лелеет безумные планы. Не в силах прогнать его, я вынуждена с ним примириться.
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Imagination makes people oversensitive,vulnerable and exposed. Perhaps its a form of degeneracy. I have never held the shortcomings of the unimaginative against them. Sometimes Ive even envied them: they have an easier and more pleasant life than everyone else.
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The barriers between animal and human come down very easily. We belong to a single great family, and if we are lonely and unhappy we gladly accept the friendship of our distant relations.
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But if time exists only in my head, and Im the last human being, it will end with my death. The thought cheers me. I may be in a position to murder time. The big net will tear and fall, with its sad contents, into oblivion. Im owed some gratitude, but no one after my death will know I murdered time. Really these thoughts are quite meaningless. Things happen, and, like millions of people before me, I look for meaning in them, because my vanity will not allow me to admit that the whole meaning of an event lies in the event itself.
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