Quotes by Mark Twain

“To eat is human, to digest, divine”

“There are lies, damned lies and statistics.”

“Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it.”

“If Christ were here now there is one thing he would not be - a Christian”

“The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.”

“The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out, the conservative adopts them.”

“Such is the human race, often it seems a pity that Noah... didnt miss the boat.”

“But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?”

“What a man misses mostly in heaven is company”

“If I cannot smoke cigars in Heaven, I shall not go”

“Sacred cows make the best hamburger”

“I have been cautioned to talk but be careful not to say anything. I do not consider this a difficult task.”

“Never tell a lie except for practice.”

“Do not offer a compliment and ask a favor at the same time. A compliment that is charged for is not valuable.”

“I dont mind what the opposition say of me so long as they dont tell the truth about me.”

“I am losing enough sleep to supply a worn-out army.”

“Never waste a lie; you never know when you may need it.”

“Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose.”

“Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course...the space between your ears.”

“We all live in the protection of certain cowardices which we call our principles.”