Quotes by Mark Twain

The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself.

Its better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than open it and remove all doubt

Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.

He done his level best.Was he a mining on the flat..He done it with a zest..Was he a leading of the choir..He done his level best.If hed a reglar task to do,He never took no rest..Or if twas off and on the same..He done his level best.If he was preachin on his beat,Hed tramp from east to west,And north to south ..in cold and heat..He done his level best.Hed Yank a sinner outen (Hades),And land him with the blest;Then snatch a prayern waltz in again,And do his level best.Hed cuss and sing and howl and pray,And dance and drink and jest,He done his level best.Whateer this man was sot to doHe done it with a zest;No matter what his contract was,Hed do his level best...

The humorous story is American, the comic story is English, the witty story is French.

The government of my country snubs honest simplicity but fondles artistic villainy, and I think I might have developed into a very capable pickpocket if I had remained in the public service a year or two.

Diligence and attention soon gave him the knack of it, and he strode down the street with his mouth full of harmony and his soul full of gratitude. He felt much as an astronomer feels who has discovered a new planet—no doubt, as far as strong, deep, unalloyed pleasure is concerned, the advantage was with the boy, not the astronomer.

Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.

Toms whole being applauded this idea. It was deep, and dark, and awful; the hour, the circumstances, the surroundings, were in keeping with it.

Tom said to himself that it was not such a hollow world, after all. He had discovered a great law of human action, without knowing it -- namely, that in order to make a man or a boy covet a thing, it is only necessary to make the thing difficult to attain.

Tout les jours you are coming some fresh game or other on me, mais vous ne pouvez pas play this savon dodge on me twice!

If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much.

I said it was a brutal thing.No, it was a human thing. You should not insult the brutes by such a misuse of that word; they have not deserved it.

The mind that becomes soiled in youth can never again be washed clean. I know this by my own experience, & to this day I cherish an unappeased bitterness against the unfaithful guardians of my young life, who not only permitted but compelled me to read an unexpurgated Bible through before I was 15 years old. None can do that and ever draw a clean sweet breath again on this side of the grave.

A dog is der Hund the dog; a women is die Frau the wom[an]; a horse is das Pferd, the horse; now you put that dog in the Genitive case, & is he the same dog he was before? No sir; he is das Hundes; put him in the Dative case & what is he? Why, he is dem Hund. Now you snatch him into the accusative case & how is it with him? Why he is den Hunden? ... Read moreBut suppose he happens to be twins & you have to pluralize him – what then? Why sir they’ll swap that twin dog around thro’ the four cases till he’ll think he’s an entire International Dog Show all in his own person. I don’t like dogs, but I wouldn’t treat a dog like that. I wouldn’t even treat a borrowed dog that way.

I know grammar by ear only, not by note, not by the rules.

Loose and forbear!

This explains why, whenever a person says sie to me, I generally try to kill him, if a stranger.

I set down in a chair by the window and tried to think of something cheerful, but it warnt no use. I felt so lonesome I most wished I was dead.

When angry, count four. When very angry, swear.