Quotes by Louise Rennison

He who laughs last laughs the laughiest.

Rosie get off your desk, and please put your beard away.

Oh Blimey O‘Reillys pantyhose...what is the point of Shakespeare? I know he is a genius and so on, but he does rave on.Its the bloody moon, for Gods sake, Will, get a grip!!

I wanted to kill her and make her eat her fringe. And her knickers.

When we did eventually get to the party - me walking next to Dads Volvo driving at five miles an hour - I had a horrible time. Everyone laughed at first but then more or less ignored me. In a mood of defiant stuffed oliveness I did have a dance by myself but things kept crashing to the floor around me. The host asked if I would sit down. I had a go at that but it was useless. In the end I was at the gate for about an hour before Dad arrived.

Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on where you were sitting) Libby let off the smelliest, loudest fart known to humanity. It came out of her bum-oley with such force that she lifted off my knee - like a hovercraft. Even she looked surprised by what had come out of her.

Looking out of the window at the infinite sky, I prayed out, Dear Baby Jesus, I am sorry for my sin, even though I do not know what they are, which seems a bit unfair if it is going to be held against me. But that is your way. And I am not questioning your wisdomosity. In future, however, would it be possible for my life to be not so entirely crap? Thank you.

I am in the prime of my womanhood, nunga-nungas poised and trembling (attractively). Lips puckered up and in peak condition for a snogging fest.

And the kittykats would have to erect scaffolding and a pulley to get him down. Mind you, I wouldnt put that past them. Sometimes when they are behind the sofa supposedly purring, I think they are drilling.

Boys are like elastic bands. It doesnt mean that boys are made of elastic, which is a plus because nobody wants a boyfriend made out of rubber. On the other hand, if they were made out of rubber, you could save yourself a lot of time and effort and heartache by just rustling one up out of a car tire. Boys are different from girls. Girls like to be cozy all the time but boys dont. First of all, they like to get all close to you like a coiled-up rubber band, but after a while, they get fed up with being too coiled and need to stretch away to their full stretchiness. Then, after a bit of on-their-own strategy, they ping back to be close to you. So in conclusion on the boy front, you have to play hard to get and also let them be elastic bands.

So this is what men are like. Well, thats it, then - I am going to be a lesbian.

Oh, Blimey ORileys pantyhose....What is the point of Shakespeare? I know he is a genius and so on, but he does rave on. What light doth through yonder window break? Its the bloody moon, for God sake, Will, get a grip!

Apparently if you want to get a boy to like you, you go sort of mysterious and icy and cool. That’s what my cousin said and she has loads of boyfriends and snogging-type experiences.

My cousin Georgia says that boys are like gazelles. She says the get alarmed when they get close to girls. And they have to leap off into the woods like gazelles in trousers. Or have I just made that up?