Quotes by Lily Tomlin

“Why is it that when we talk to God were said to be praying, but when God talks to us were schizophrenic?”

“All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.”

“We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.”

“Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.”

“Sometimes I feel like a figment of my own imagination”

“Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.”

“The trouble with the rat-race is that even if you win, youre still a rat.”

“Reality is a crutch for people who cant cope with drugs.”

“We are all in this together, by ourselves.”

“I couldnt wait for success, so I went ahead without it.”

“Delusions of grandeur make me feel a lot better about myself.”

“Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. Its the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.”

“Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.”

“Teflon brain - nothing sticks”

“Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past.”

“Why are we surprised when politicians play politics? Its not like they are supposed to be real adults... they are, after all, politicians and dont have real jobs and arent playing around with their money.”

“Reality is a nice place to visit, but I sure would not want to live there”

“What is reality, anyway? Just a collective hunch”

“Reality isnt the way you wish things to be, nor the way they appear to be, but the way they actually are.”

“If I had known what it would be like to have it all - I might have been willing to settle for less”