Quotes by Larry David

“People have often wondered how theyd feel if they were adopted. I think its funny.”

“I aspire to be like that character. Hes honest. Its the things Im thinking but not saying.”

“Ill have a vanilla... one of those vanilla bullshit things. You know, whatever you want, some vanilla bullshit latte cappa thing. Whatever you got.”

“Theres a sense of spontaneity, and no emphasis on jokes in this show. People generally talk the way they talk in life if you were in this particular situation.”

“The biggest part of it is editing. It takes longer to edit one episode than to shoot it and write it.”

“Trying on pants is one of the most humiliating things a man can suffer that doesnt involve a woman.”

“Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia ... Seinfeld.”

“She didnt even tell me! ... She told my assistant!”

“If they were pictures of the Yankees of the past 50 years, Id do just as well.”

A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone.

Id like to start a family but you have to have a date first.

I couldnt be happier that President Bush has stood up for having served in the National Guard, because I can finally put an end to all those who questioned my motives for enlisting in the Army Reserve at the height of the Vietnam War.

Most people are completely unaware of their breath. They violate your space, they have no idea that they have halitosis.

When youre not concerned with succeeding, you can work with complete freedom.

Women love a self-confident bald man.

The best situation is being a single parent. The best part about is that you get time off, too, because the kids are with their mom, so its the best of both worlds. Theres a lot to be said for it.

If you tell the truth about how youre feeling, it becomes funny.

I gave a funny speech at my wifes birthday party, and Im thinking, Hey, Ive still got it.

Theres also a certain rhythm to the way Jews talk that might be funny.

You have to discover when youre inadequate to be funny and you dont know youre inadequate when youre a kid.