Quotes by Julia Hoban

Well, sometimes I worry that my whole life will be based about whats comfortable and easy. Ill care too much about what makes me feel good to ever really reach for anything. And then I worry that even if I do, I wont succeed.

I bought you something Willows blurts out.You bought...What?Willow closes her eyes for a second. Shes a little surprised shes going to give it to him after all, but theres no going back now. She has to.At the bookstore. She reaches into her bag again, and pushes the package across the table towards him.Guy takes the book out of the bag slowly, Willow waits for him to look disappointed, to look confused that she would buy him such a battered, old-I love it when used books have notes in the margins, its the best, Guy says as he flips through the pages. I always imagine who read it before me. He pauses and looks at one of Prosperos speeches. I have way too much homework to read this now, but you know what? Screw it. I want to know why its your favorite Shakespeare. Thank you, that was really nice of you. I mean, you really didnt have to.But I did anyway, Willow says so quietly shes not even sure hears her.Hey, Guy frowns for a second. You didnt write anything in here.Oh, I didnt even think...I, well, I wouldnt even know what to write, Willow says shyly.Well, maybe youll think of something later, he says.Willow watches Guy read the opening. Theres no mistaking it. His smile is genuine, and she cant help thinking that if she cant make David look like this, at least she can do it for someone.

How can she explain to him that every tear takes her further and further away from the box of razors that lies between them. How can she explain that she is terrified of such a thing happening. That although she thought she wanted freedom from her implements, she doesnt know if she can handle what shes experiencing now. That she wants to know that she is still in charge of her grief. That her blades have always done her bidding.

And she knows then that she was right about her brother, that it takes an unbelievable strength to feel this kind of grief, and she doesnt know if she can handle it, because it really hurts, hurts her more than the razor ever could.

And yet, as she sits there with him on the window seat, with his strong arms around her, she knows that if she can survive crying, then there are other things she can survive too. And that if some things are lost to her forever, there are others that she has not yet begun to experience. She knows too that what she wants is not because passion is the natural antidote to grief, but because it is the most natural, most perfect, most complete expression of what she feels for him.

Every lineament of the girls wasted body is a testament to her inner turmoil. Willow can only imagine what kind of pain she must be in to destroy herself that way. She knows theres something ironic in her compassion for the other girl, but she cant help feeling that this utter mortification of the flesh is far worse than anything that she herself has done.

I guess what scares me the most now is the thought that I wont be able to protect you

And she realized that this is true. Pain has somehow transformed into pleasure, and that pleasure is better than any pain could ever be.