Quotes by Judy Balan

Comedy is hard work. People expect you to be funny 24/7. So if youre not constantly cracking up your friends, it can hurt you professionally. They may not read your book or come to your show. Shes a comedian? Shes not that funny! Its unfair cause when cardio surgeon friends say they cut chests open and hold hearts in their hands, everyone just takes their word for it.

Modern-Day Parenting is no joke. For starters, no one takes you seriously unless you have a fancy parenting style. Tiger Mom, Helicopter Mom, Organic Mom and on and on. Ive decided to go with L-Board Mom. I may look like I dont know what Im doing but you want to keep safe distance cause you know I can hurt you and get away with it.

I have a phonetic fetish. All I want is to find a man whose last name ends in Vrski and marry him. Try saying VRSKI. Oh, dont be a tight-ass. SAY IT. Dont you love the purring sound it makes in your mouth? Its the kind of name I love waking up to every morning - Good morning, BlahBlahVrski, the kind I can brag about on Facebook - Judy Balan has now changed her name to Judy SomethingVrski and the kind I can scream in a fit of passion - Ohhhhh Vrrrrssskkkkiiiii!

I love therapy. I dont get the taboo about seeking therapy at all. Its exactly like taking Buzzfeed quizzes. At the end of the day, we all want to know what cocktail we are. But it means so much more when it comes from a shrink. Its like Ooh, I really am Liquid Cocaine!

When you keep a secret from your parents, youre not trying to protect yourself. Its because youre trying to protect them.

Who decided its a phobia in the first place? What if I just dont want to get married ever. Just like I dont want to live in Jharkhand ever. Somehow I can say that as loud as I want and as many times as I want, yet nobody will ask me to see the shrink about my Jharkhand phobia. Why?

And finally, I get to meet the Breakup Coach Ryan says before we can be introduced. Im a big fan of your work he says with mock admiration as I turn around. I decide I like his voice. Its not a deep Charlton Heston-like voice, but it has just the right amount of husky in it.

I blame Chennai. Pointless neighbourhood gossip travels faster than tsunami alerts around here. I know that aunties are a universal problem but this city is particularly aunty dominated. And by that, I mean, even many of our twenty-somethings act like aunties. Forgive the rant. Maybe Ive lived here too long (and have therefore outgrown it) but I sincerely believe that Chennai has no business being called a metro. I mean, if a thirty-year-old single woman living alone while her parents are in the same city, is still such hot news, then maybe we need to graciously give up our metro status to someone more deserving. And since we have no qualms about lagging so far behind the times, maybe we should call ourselves retro.

Facebook should start publishing breakup stories. So and so and so and so are no longer in a relationship. With a tombstone next to it.