Quotes by Johnny Vegas

“This autocue was obviously written for someone else and Ive been brought in at the last minute.”

“Theres lots of stuff about me being a fan of Cliff but not being gay. Which suggests that he is, but hes not. Anyway, this is Channel 4, let their lawyers sort it out.”

“I want to be buried with Monkey. The thought of anybody else working with him would be too much.”

From a certain age, I sort of accepted myself for what I was. And although to other people it was like nothing ever goes right, I had a really nice attitude that Id inherited from my parents, and especially from my dad.

The cheese board is my big treat at Christmas that I have to deny myself during the rest of year.

I came from a very loving home, had a happy life with no great aspirations, but going to the seminary changed me. There was a chunk of my childhood missing. Once Id realised it wasnt for me, I still felt a tremendous pressure to continue for fear of letting everybody down.

Oh, Im terrible at travel.

I trained to be a priest - started to. I went to seminary school when I was 11. I wanted to be a priest, but when they told me I could never have sex, not even on my birthday, I changed my mind.

I used to be good with kids, but as I get older, Im grumpy and terrible with them. As for doing a gig at a 6-year olds birthday party, you couldnt pay me enough.

It is easy for me to love myself, but for ladies to do it is another question altogether.

I came back from university thinking I knew all about politics and racism, not knowing my dad had been one of the youngest-serving Labour councillors in the town and had refused to work in South Africa years ago because of the situation there. And hes never mentioned it - you just find out. Thats a real man to me. A sleeping lion.

You get people who come to London, sever links with where they come from, and then when they need people, theres nobody there. To feel like you cant go back home would be a horribly sad place to be, as is mistaking fame for genuine love and affection.

I think if youre at the point where youre popular enough to sell your wedding photos to OK! Magazine then you dont need the money.