Quotes by Jerry Lewis

“The Doc told me I had a dual personality. Then he lays an 82 dollar bill on me, so I give him 41 bucks and say, Get the other 41 bucks from the other guy.”

“Ive had great success being a total idiot.”

“People hate me because I am a multifaceted, talented, wealthy, internationally famous genius.”

“When I sit back and think a little more rationally, I realize my life is half, so I must learn to do things halfway. I just have to learn to try to be good at being a half a person ... and get on with my life.”

“Pity? You dont want to be pitied because youre a cripple in a wheelchair? Stay in your house!”

“I am probably the most selfish man you will ever meet in your life. No one gets the satisfaction or the joy that I get out of seeing kids realize there is hope.”

“I get paid for what most kids get punished for.”

“My door is always open to any member who wishes to build consensus on reducing unnecessary spending. My preference is to consider any proposal in a thoughtful, deliberate manner rather than reading about it in the newspaper.”

“Every man’s dream is to be able to sink into the arms of a woman without also falling into her hands.”

“A woman doing comedy doesnt offend me, but sets me back a bit, ... I, as a viewer, have trouble with it. I think of her as a producing machine that brings babies in the world.”

Ive had great success being a total idiot.

I am probably the most selfish man you will ever meet in your life. No one gets the satisfaction or the joy that I get out of seeing kids realize there is hope.

People hate me because I am a multifaceted, talented, wealthy, internationally famous genius.

Every mans dream is to be able to sink into the arms of a woman without also falling into her hands.

I turned down Some Like It Hot. See how smart I am? I felt I couldnt bring anything funny to it. The outfit was funny. I dont need to compete with the wardrobe.

I have some very personal feelings about politics, but I dont get into it because I do comedy already.

I have a loyalty that runs in my bloodstream, when I lock into someone or something, you cant get me away from it because I commit that thoroughly. Thats in friendship, thats a deal, thats a commitment. Dont give me paper - I can get the same lawyer who drew it up to break it. But if you shake my hand, thats for life.

If youre an old pro, you know how well youre doing when youre doing it, and your inner government spanks you if youre not doing well.

I never got a formal education. So my intellect is my common sense. I dont have anything else going for me. And my common sense opens the door to instinct.

Ive had great success being a total idiot.