Quotes by Jeff Lindsay

A man who discovers his pants are on fire tends to have very little time to worry about somebody elses box of matches

Doakes had a first name! It was Albert - had anyone ever really called him that? Unthinkable. I had assumed his name was Sergeant.

How bad could things be if my hair was neat?

This was just no fun. I wanted my brain back.

The mission sat in a converted store front on the corner of a medium-busy street. There was a small crowd gathered in front - no real surprise, since they gave out food and clothing, all all you had to do was spend a few moments of your life listening to the good reverend explain why you were going to Hell. It seemed like a pretty good bargain, even to me, but I wasnt hungry.

Life teaches us that human thought almost never walks hand in hand with logic, and it is usually counterproductive to raise the point.

Anybody can be charming if they dont mind faking it, saying all the stupid, obvious, nauseating things that a conscience keeps most people from saying. Happily, I dont have a conscience. I say them.

Always marveling at how New Age pseudo-philosophy had taken over the Internet.

And I was having too much fun to stop now.

Me, feeling. What a concept.

I mean, really: what kind of person could possibly dislike me?

I am not shy about admitting my modest talents. For example, I am happy to admit that I am better than average at clever remarks, and I also have a flair for getting people to like me. But to be perfectly fair to myself, I am ever-ready to confess my shortcomings, too, and a quick round of soul-searching forced me to admit that I had never been any good at all at breathing water. As I hung there from the seat belt, dazed and watching the water pour in and swirl around my head, this began to seem like a very large character flaw.

No blood at all. I could hear that phrase repeat itself in my head, louder each time. No sticky, hot, messy, awful blood. No splatter. NO BLOOD AT ALL. Why hadnt I thought of that?

Or was he saying, Hi! Wanna play?And I did. Of course I did.

I was good at being charming, one of my very few vanities.

My first true lesson in writing came from Mr. Bowden when I was 16. At my high school, he was the teacher known to be the very best at literature and writing.

“They like to tell us that it is important to speak the truth, but it has been my experience that real happiness lies in having people tell you what you want to believe, usually not the same thing at all, and if you have to stub your toe on the truth later, so be it.”

“Hope is for people who cant see the Truth.”