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Quotes by Jack Benny

Jack Benny

“My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.”

“A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid.”

“Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.”

“I dont want to tell you how much insurance I carry with the Prudential, but all I can say is: when I go, they go too.”

“I dont deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I dont deserve that either.”

“Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you dont mind, it doesnt matter.”

“Its not so much knowing when to speak, when to pause.”

“Hors Doeuvre: A ham sandwich cut into forty pieces”

“Modesty is my best quality”

“Gags die, humor doesnt”

“Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful woman - and you can keep the golf clubs and fresh air”

“Im thinking.”

“Fibber McGee and Molly.”

“If you dont mind, it doesnt matter.”

“Golf is a wonderful exercise. You can stand on your feet for hours, watching somebody else putt.”

“A Major golf tournament is 40,000 sadists watching 144 masochists.”

“I like trying to win. Thats what golf is all about.”

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.

I dont deserve this award but I have arthritis and I dont deserve that either.

I dont want to tell you how much insurance I carry with Prudential. All I can say is: When I go they go!