Quotes by Graham Chapman

“There is no cannibalism in the British navy, absolutely none, and when I say none, I mean there is a certain amount.”

“I do not really look back with regret on any feelings or problems I have had in the past. I think I am more able to accept problems as being part of the rough and tumble of life. There are bound to be ups and downs. In retrospect, when youve gotten pasty a tough period, it makes the good things that much better.”

“I cant talk to a man who bears an undeserved animosity towards ferrets.”

“We had many concerns while planning Monty Pythons Flying Circus... we wanted to avoid being bracketed as being another offshoot.”

“We dont deliberately set out to offend. Unless we feel its justified.”

“Yes, clothes dryers are monsters, and more of them should be painted... we did paint the clothes dryer on the set.”

“We received a letter from a lady who was incensed about my moral depravity, as though I was destroying the underpinnings of society.”

“Health care does not worry me a great deal. Ive been impressed by some wonderful old people.”

“Stormy in love, stormy in interviews, breakfast in bed-thats me, love.”

“Other people build sketches after taking too many sleeping pills, but I never preferred that method, since I would keep dropping my pencil.”

Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?

Sir Beldevere: What makes you think shes a witch? Peasant 3: Well, she turned me into a newt! Sir Beldevere: A newt? Peasant 3: [meekly after a long pause] ... I got better. Crowd: [shouts] Burn her anyway!

We are no longer the knights who say Ni! We are now the knights who say ekki-ekki-ekki-pitang-zoom-boing!

When danger reared its ugly head, He bravely turned his tail and fled.

McGough: Im sorry. Im afraid Ive caught poetry. Mr Bones: Oh really? Well, dont worry, sir - I used to suffer from short stories.McGough: Really? When?Mr Bones: Oh, once upon a time ...

Henry KissingerHow Im missing yerYoure the Doctor of my dreamsWith your crinkly hair and your glassy stareAnd your Machiavellian schemesI know they say that you are very vainAnd short and fat and pushyBut at least youre not insaneHenry KissingerHow Im missing yerAnd wishing you were hereHenry KissingerHow Im missing yerYoure so chubby and so neatWith your funny clothes and your squishy noseYoure like a German parakeetAll right so people say that you dont careBut youve got nicer legs than HitlerAnd bigger tits than CherHenry KissingerHow Im missing yerAnd wishing you were here

If life seems jolly rotten, There’s something you’ve forgotten.

...A secure future seemed mapped out for me. Too secure, too mapped out. If I carried on in medicine, I realized Id have a pretty good idea exactly what Id be doing ten, twenty and even thirty years from that moment. It struck me like a halibut from the North Sea that that was not the way my life should go at all. What was the point of working on through the age of sixty-five and taking a chance on a better reincarnation next time?

I dont want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

I fart in your general direction.