Quotes by Garry Shandling

“I once made love for an hour and fifteen minutes, but it was the night the clocks are set ahead.”

“My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they dont really know me.”

“After making love I said to my girl, Was it good for you too? And she said, I dont think this was good for anybody”

“Im dating a woman now who, evidently, is unaware of it.”

“Im too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I dont know.”

“I practice safe sex - I use an airbag.”

“Its not the hair on your head that matters. Its the kind of hair you have inside.”

“I dont like this reality television, I have to be honest, ... I think real people should not be on television. Its for special people like us, people who have trained and studied to appear to be real.”

“What Planet Are You From?”

Humor is a wonderful way to deal with our suffering because if we can laugh at our troubles, we can feel better. Thich Nhat Hanh is a special man who has helped millions with their suffering with incredible technique. But he doesnt know real suffering, because he has not dated as much as I have.

I think its one of the main negative emotional ingredients that fuels show business, because theres so much at stake and the fear of failure looms large.

Thats what we were exploring on Larry Sanders - the human qualities that have brought us to where we are now in the world: the addiction to needing more and wanting more and talking more. We were examining the labels put on success - is it successful to be on TV every day, to be famous, to have a paycheck?

But I really like hosting, I think its a strength of mine. It allows me to improvise, and I love the spontaneity of that, and I think Im funny behind the desk when interviewing someone.

Theres a good chance that if youre talking to me when Im snoring, it means Im bored.

Heres the thing - Im single, I havent been married, I dont have kids yet. If I do have kids I would be interested to see them in my life, so heres a movie for kids and Im in there and Im supposed to be kind of funny for kids.

To be thrown onto the stand-up stage is an experience that you cannot fathom until youre actually there, because theres no place to go, and everyone is looking at you and you cant even see them because of the lights. And yet you have to manage to start talking and be funny on top of it.

Im dating a woman now who, evidently, is unaware of it.

Which is, Im an optimist that two people can be together to work out their conflicts. And that commitment, I think, might be what love is, because they both grow from their relationship.

Women need to know that not all guys are going to hurt them the way that the guy did before they started dating me. I know guys I wouldnt go out with.