Quotes by Emma McLaughlin

Screw sharks a Transformer could be stretching up on its tippy toes and would still have a mile of cover to eat me.

... keeping her wild-honey-and-chamomile-soaked hair from falling into her oatmeal-and-yogurt face mask

You should totally get implants, she said admiringly in the mirror. I shake my head. I dont yet know what Im going to do with my life, Diane. But Im hoping being shaped like a barbell could only be a hindrance.

As a rule, I try to steer clear of opinions pertaining to your parenting. I assume youre doing the best you can, and God bless.

The more Mommy blogs going nuclear over playground etiquette I read and birthday parties of glazed adults munching cupcakes like demoralized zombies I attend, I realize this is what my friends who conceived before me meant by, You just wont care.

My writing partner, Nicki, and I became obsessed with a monologist who performs unscripted shows equipped with nothing more than scribbled bullet points and a glass of water. We wrote him a fan letter and found ourselves sharing lunch and eventually a friendship.

We chicks have munched our popcorn while romantic comedies became just comedies, and then each female protagonist got recast for Matthew McConaughey or Seth Rogan.