In books there are chapters to separate out the moments, to show that time is going by and things are changing, and sometimes the parts even have titles that are full of promise—The Meeting, Hope, Downfall—like paintings do. But in life theres nothing like that, no titles or signs or warnings, nothing to say Beware, danger! or Frequent landslides or Disillusion ahead. In life you stand all alone in your costume, and too bad if its in tatters.
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No prince, no success filled her dreams: only time spread out before her to spend as she chose, a time of contemplation which offered her refuge.
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Now I know without a shadow of doubt that you cant chase away those images, let alone the visible holes that burrow deep down inside. You cant chase away the reverberations or the memories that stir as night falls or in the early hours. You cant chase away echoing screams, still less echoing silence
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Before I met No I thought that violence meant shouting and hitting and war and blood. Now I know that there can also be violence in silence and that it’s sometimes invisible to the naked eye. There’s violence in the time that conceals wounds, the relentless succession of days, the impossibility of turning back the clock. Violence is what escapes us. It’s silent and hidden. Violence is what remains inexplicable, what stays forever opaque...My mother stands there at the living room door with her arms by her sides. And I think that theres violence in that too - in her inability to reach out to me, to make the gesture which is impossible and so forever suspended.
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But I can’t manage to grow up and change shape. I’m still tiny, and staying that way, perhaps because I know the secret that everyone pretends to be unaware of, perhaps because I know that deep down we’re all tiny.
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Some secrets are like fossils and the stone has become too heavy to turn over.
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People who think that grammar is just a collection of rules and restrictions are wrong. If you get to like it, grammar reveals the hidden meaning of history, hides disorder and abandonment, links things and brings opposites together. Grammar is a wonderful way of organising the world how youd like it to be.
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I dont go after him. Hes a funny sort of boy. Ive known that from the start. Not just because he seems angry and contemptuous or the way he walks like a tough guy. Because of his smile - its a childs smile.
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