Quotes by Deb Caletti

Thats what people do who love you. They put their arms around you and love you when youre not so lovable.

It starts so young, and Im angry about that. The garbage were taught. About love, about whats romantic. Look at so many of the so-called romantic figures in books and movies. Do we ever stop and think how many of them would cause serious and drastic unhappiness after The End? Why are sick and dangerous personality types so often shown a passionate and tragic and something to be longed for when those are the very ones you should run for your life from? Think about it. Heathcliff. Romeo. Don Juan. Jay Gatsby. Rochester. Mr. Darcy. From the rigid control freak in The Sound of Music to all the bad boys some woman goes running to the airport to catch in the last minute of every romantic comedy. She should let him leave. Your time is so valuable, and look at these guys--depressive and moody and violent and immature and self-centered. And what about the big daddy of them all, Prince Charming? What was his secret life? We dont know anything about him, other then he looks good and comes to the rescue.

Youve got to have someone who loves your body. Who doesnt define you, but sees you. Who loves what he sees. Who you dont have to struggle to be good enough for.

Its good to let God pick a man for you. We dont do so well when we pick them ourselves. They end up lipsticks in a drawer, all those wrong colors you thought looked so good in the package.

Sometimes love is a surprise, an instant of recognition, a sudden gift at a sudden moment that makes everything different from then on. Some people will say thats not love, that you cant really love someone you dont know. But, Im not so sure. Love doesnt seem to follow a plan; its not a series of steps. It can hit with the force of nature--an earthquake, a tidal wave, a storm of wild relentless energy that is beyond your simple attempts at control.

When what you want is a relationship, and not a person, get a dog.

I shouldnt have to be a liar to make someone love me. I shouldnt be so afraid of losing someone that Ill do anything to make them stay.

It took me years to figure out that upset was upset, and tumultuousness was not the same thing as passion. Love isnt drama.

This is what I know. Dont settle for 40, 50, or even 80 percent. A relationship-it shouldnt be too small or too tight or even a little scratchy. It shouldnt take up space in your closet out of guilty conscience or convenience or a moment of desire. Do you hear me? It shold be perfect for you. It should be lasting. Wait. wait for 100 percent.

I had always had a little problem looking out for myself in love. I was afraid people would leave me. So I sort of clung and did everything possible to keep someone around. I didnt have a hard talk with myself about who I was keeping around. Doesnt take a rocket scientist to figure that out. I clung to people like human life preservers. I thought id die if someone left me. Its ironic because now Im the one whos leaving.

Ive heard that people stand in bad situations because a relationship like that gets turned up by degrees. It is said that a frog will jump out of a pot of boiling water. Place him in a pot and turn it up a little at a time, and he will stay until he is boiled to death. Us frogs understand this.

You can forget that other people carry pieces of your own story around in their heads. Ive always thought--put together all those random pieces form everyone whos ever known you from your parents to the guy who once sat next to you on a bus, and youd probably see a fuller version of your life than you even did while living it.

The magic of purpose and of love in its purest form. Not televison love, with its glare and hollow and sequined glint; not sex and allure, all high shoes and high drama, everything both too small and in too much excess, but just love. Love like rain, like the smell of a tangerine, like a surprise found in your pocket.

Maybe it was wrong, or maybe impossible, but I wanted the truth to be one thing. One solid thing.

Truth was funny, because it was an insistent thing, maybe as powerful and insistent as some force of nature, the push of water or wind. You could keep it out only so long, but it had its own will and its own needs, and maybe you could keep it at bay with lies, but not for long, not for always.

I could forget that part, but it had to have been true.

Sometimes you can cattle rope your heart and sometimes you cant, is all.

They say religion is about love, but you wonder how much of it really is about fear.

We look down our noses at people whove made mistakes in relationships. Shes so stupid! How could she do that! Our superiority makes us feel better. But I’d bet everything I have on the fact that people to claim to have a perfect record in love are either lying or have very limited dating experience. People who say, I’d never do that! Someday, unless you are very, very lucky, you’ll have a story to tell. Or not to tell.

A person shows signs of clutching on too fast, of being needy, of not hearing the word no, of jealousy, of guarding you and your freedom. But the signs can be so small they skitter right past you. Sometimes they dance past, looking satiny, something you should applaud. Someones jealousy can make you feel good. Special. But its not even about you. Its about a hand that is already gripping. Its about their need, circling around your throat