Quotes by David Steinberg

“I rewrote it and I took all your notes. Read it again, that kind of persistence paid off.”

“Being a lawyer in New York sucks because youre working eighty, sometimes a hundred hours a week.”

“But this phenomenal thing happens - even though you are the same guy with the same script - when you have a producer attached.”

“I started writing this feature comedy in New York - a Chris Farley vehicle. The script was decent. When I got to LA, I met some new friends in film school and had them read my script and give me notes.”

“The whole idea of doing the Hollywood thing never even occurred to me. When you grow up on the East coast, Hollywood seems like this fantasy land and you dont think that people can actually make a living there.”

“Your relationship with an agent has got to be mutually beneficial. If you cant help their careers, then theyre not going to be interested.”

“We were the guys on the other side. It was hilarious.”

“He looks and talks like he just fell off Edgar Bergens lap. [on Gerald Ford]”

“Not only did he unfairly become a prime suspect of an investigation into your alleged injuries that day, but he was denied any normalcy in his school life thereafter, and felt too uncomfortable about returning to school, ... Consequently, he missed a lot of his last year of high school, which should have been a good and positive time in his life.”

“I do not believe for a moment that you are evil or that you dont feel a deep sense of personal regret and even sorrow over the poor judgment you exercised on Nov. 3, 2003, ... I have considered and rejected the notion that sending you to jail will serve the legitimate sentencing goals of rehabilitation or deterrence. It is also not necessary to send you to jail for public safety reasons or for retribution sake alone. I will not do that.”

My father never lived to see his dream come true of an all-Yiddish-speaking Canada.

I dont really dissect comedy. Nothing kills off humor more than overanalyzing it.