Quotes by Dana Carvey

“Im thirty years old, but I read at the thirty-four-year-old level.”

“Please, O ye Lord, keep Jim Bakker behind bars.”

“He cant tell you, but he didnt hurt anyone,”

“My fate is very precarious, ... I dont want the show to suffer because I may not be able to come back next week.”

“Does this SAP [pronounced sap, of course] think its safe?”

“Hi, this is Larry Ellison,”

“I love my son.”

Im thirty years old, but I read at the thirty-four-year-old level.

I tried to go out for theater or theater arts, but I was too scared or too intimidated. But I had a lot of friends on the cross country team that had great senses of humor.

I have a theory that if youre famous more years than youre not famous, then you get a little nutty.

I grew up middle class - my dad was a high school teacher; there were five kids in our family. We all shared a nine-hundred-square-foot home with one bathroom. That was exciting. And my wife is Irish Catholic and also very, very barely middle class.

I know its a cliche, but the whole family is just whacked. I mean, were all out of our minds. Theyre the funniest, most eccentric bizarre people Ive ever met, my siblings.