Quotes by Colin Quinn

“crooked smile (and say), Youre going over there, huh? Be careful. OK, how do you suggest I do that, sir? Look both ways before I cross the Sunni Triangle?”

“My perception is that Jerry was a stand-up comedian for years and years,”

“If it had just been some femme fatale, I think this whole thing could have been settled. You know, if it had just been like a beautiful woman,”

“TV and movies are boring,”

“We battled well and it was an excellent win.”

“Honesty buys you nothing at all in this school.”

A few years back, they jacked David Copperfield in West Palm Beach, for Chrissake. Yes, its funny: Yo, empty your pockets, and he pulls out a bunny rabbit. But its also depressing. If someone who can make himself disappear isnt safe, who is?

Thank God for immigrants. Theyre the only ones who have any personality left. They still allow themselves emotions, judgments, and all those qualities that we are evolving past. I dont know what theyre saying, but I can tell theyre speaking honestly.

A lot of lip service gets paid to being honest, but no one really wants to hear it unless whats being said is the party line.

I think the world honestly would be a much healthier place if instead of trying to find rationalizations for our bad behavior we would just say, I was an asshole. Sure, there were reasons behind it, but that doesnt matter.

The races are like Americas children. White people are the firstborn, so they were Dads favorite. Black people are the second kids, the abused ones, so they still hate Dad. Latinos are the third, caught in the middle and always trying to make peace between the other siblings. Asians are the youngest, and get good marks in school, but basically are just trying to keep their heads down and not get involved. And Native Americans are the old uncle who owns a house and everyone else in the family was like, Hes not using that! Lets move in!

Everybodys got a different sense of humor. Its just different styles.

For the most part, comedians are pretty friendly with each other. They always say they badmouth each other, but most of the time, theyre friends. Were the only ones that can really stand our type of humor.

You cant make everybody laugh. You gotta just do what you think is funny. Just be obstreperous to everybody.

I write all the time - I write poetry, I love to write.