Quotes by Chuck Palahniuk

For instance, if Jesus Christ had died in prison, with no one watching and with no one there to mourn or torture him, would we be saved?With all due respect.According to the agent, the biggest factor that makes you a saint is the amount of press coverage you get.

The problem with educating stupid people was that they didn’t know they were stupid. The same went for curing crazy people.

All the demons of Hell formerly reigned as gods in previous cultures. No its not fair, but one mans god is another mans devil. As each subsequent civilization became a dominant power, among its first acts was to depose and demonize whoever the previous culture had worshipped. The Jews attacked Belial, the god of the Babylonians. The Christians banished Pan and Loki anda Mars, the respective deities of the ancient Greeks and Celts and Romans. The Anglican British banned belief in the Australian aboriginal spirits known as the Mimi. Satan is depicted with cloven hooves because Pan had them, and he carries a pitchfork based on the trident carried by Neptune. As each deity was deposed, it was relegated to Hell. For gods so long accustomed to receiving tribute and loving attention, of course this status shift put them into a foul mood.

Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we dont need.

I just want one person I can rescue and I want one person who needs me. Who cant live without me. I want to be a hero, but not just one time.

And its funny how when somebody saves you, the first thing you want to do is save other people.

Are these things really better than the things I already have? Or am I just trained to be dissatisfied with what I have now?

Our real discoveries come from chaos, from going to the place that looks wrong and stupid and foolish.

What we call chaos is just patterns we haven’t recognized. What we call random is just patterns we cant decipher.

We live and we die and anything else is just delusion. its just passive chick bullshit about feelings and sensitivity. Just made-up subjective emotional crap. There is no soul. There is no God. Theres just decisions and disease and death.

After fight club youre so relaxed, you just cannot care.

More and more, the hardest part of crying is when I cant stop.

Crying is right at hand in the smothering dark, closed inside someone else, when you see how everything you can ever accomplish will end up as trash.

Almost all the time, you tell yourself youre loving somebody when youre just using them.

After you find out all the things that can go wrong, you life becomes less about living and more about waiting. For cancer. For dementia. Every look in a mirror, you scan for the red rash that means shingles. See also: Ringworm. See also: Lyme disease, meningitis, rheumatic fever, syphilis.

He was the kind of boy any young girl should date while shes still able to recover.

Here are the shadows left behind by a thousand moments, a thousand moods, of needs traced here on the wall by men who are gone. Here is the record of their being here.

Beginning with Santa Claus as a cognitive exercise, a child is encouraged to share the same idea of reality as his peers. Even if that reality is patently invented and ludicrous, belief is encouraged with gifts that support and promote the common cultural lies. The greatest consensus in modern society is our traffic systems. The way a flood of strangers can interact, sharing a path, almost all of them traveling without incident. It only takes one dissenting driver to create anarchy.

She says, Ill swear by the rose tattooed on my ass, that old man raped me.Here, the funeral parade stops. At this point, Comrade Snarky is a victim among victims. The rest of us — just her supporting cast.Mrs. Clark, leading us, she looks back and says, He what?And from behind his camera, Agent Tattletale says, Me, too. He raped me first.Saint Gut-Free says, Well what the hell...He poked me, too.As if poor skinny Saint Gut-Free had enough ass left to poke.And Mrs. Clark says, This is not funny. Not in the least.Tough, the Matchmaker tells her. Its wasnt funny, either, when you raped me.Shaking his ponytail, the Duke of Vandals tells the Matchmaker, You couldnt pay to get raped.

If I could wake up in a different place, at a different time, could I wake up as a different person?