Quotes by Chuck Palahniuk

Suicide is very contagious.

Put the gun to my head and paint walls with my brains.

How miserably hypocritical, you might say, but no sooner am I offered a chance to flee Hell than I yearn to stay. Few families hold their relations as closely as do prisons. Few marriages sustain the high level of passion that exists between criminals and those who seek to bring them to justice. It’s no wonder the Zodiac Killer flirted so relentlessly with the police. Or that Jack the Ripper courted and baited detectives with his - or her - coy letters. We all wish to be pursued. We all long to be desired.

I refuse to give readers an uplifting faux experience engineered to comfort them and perpetuate the sociopolitical and economic status quo.Who died and made you Bertolt Brecht?

A woman calls from Seaview to say her linen closet is missing. Last September, her house had six bedrooms, two linen closets. Shes sure of it. Now shes only got one. She comes to open her beach house for the summer. She drives out from the city with the kids and the nanny and the dog, and here they are with all heir luggage, and their towels are gone. Disappeared. Poof. Bermuda triangulated.

Actually, watching television and surfing the Internet are really excellent practice for being dead.

Where would Jesus be if no one ever wrote the gospels?

History is filled with brilliant people who wanted to fix things and just made them worse.

Its obsequious little nicety-nice girls like me who allow assholes to run the world: Miss Harlot OHarlots, billionaire phony tree huggers, hypocrite drug-snorting, weed-puffing peace activists who fund the mass-murdering drug cartels and perpetuate crushing poverty in dirt-poor banana republics. Its my petty fear of personal rejection that allows so many true evils to exist. My cowardice enables atrocities.

Its my petty fear of personal rejection that allows so many true evils to exist. My cowardice enables atrocities.

Most of the laugh tracks on television were recorded in the early 1950’s. These days, most of the people you hear laughing are dead.

You had a near life experience.

We, Brandy and Alfa and me, weve been speaking English as a second language so long that weve forgotten it as our first.I have no native tongue.

And if you can find any way out of our culture, then thats a trap too. Just wanting to get out of the trap reinforces the trap.

Since boyhood, fury had become his father. His older brother. His only protector. Fury gave him strength and courage and spurred him to always move forward despite always getting things wrong and always failing and no mentor there to help him or teach him and everyone always laughing. Anger delivered him from catastrophe. Rage kept him from going under. It had come to be his greatest asset and only strategy.

We thought all this teaching was to make us smart. What it did was make us stupid. With all the little facts we learned, we never had the time to think.

When we dont know who to hate, we hate ourselves.

Like the he-man movie stars who turn out to be queer . . . or the silent-film actors whose voices sound terrible recorded--the audience only wants a limited amount of honesty. [ellipses original]

You can tell people the truth, but theyll never believe you until the event. Until its too late. In the meantime, the truth will just piss them off and get you in a lot of trouble. So you just walk home.

Ignorance was bliss.