Quotes by Carlos Mencia

“God has a sense of humor. If you dont believe me, tomorrow go to wal-mart and just look at people.”

“It is never okay to use the toilet with the door open...I never want to know what comes out of there because sometimes I eat at that resturant.”

“If you aint laughing, you aint living, baby.”

“I have little compassion for people in trailer parks who refuse tomove after getting tornado warnings. How hard is it for them torelocate? Their house have wheels.”

“You know those pills like Viagra, well they say that if you have an erection for more than 36 hours consult your physician. Well, if you dont know what to do with your boner after 36 hours then you are a DE and your wife doesnt know what to do then shes a DA. You two shouldnt reproduce because then your kids gonna be like DEDADE.”

“I am a product. . . . Im a comedian. Im not curing cancer. In the end, I tell jokes. I make people laugh. I make sense out of ridiculous situations, but in the end, its all about laughter. Its all about your cheek hurting, your stomach hurting.”

“I dont have the time to steal other peoples material even if I wanted to, ... The reason why these rumors got started is that I dont really contest them because I dont believe they deserve contesting. I really dont.”

“Youre Hispanic. You speak Spanish. Youre doing ethnic jokes. Taco Bell is one of your first targets.”

“In all honesty, we dont know whats in the hearts of other men. All I know is that I respect comedy and I know comedy. I would never, ever, ever take somebody elses joke.”

“You want to know the joke he thinks is stolen from him? Its a Taco Bell joke,”

“Its an investment, so to speak. Its that human contest. In five, 10 years, if I wanted to go back and do a theater there, Id be able to. People would go, Yeah, man, he came here. It was awesome,”

“Going there is paying your dues. You always have to pay your dues. . . . Youve just got to do it. Maybe I come from a working family. Maybe its the voice of my mom saying, Youve always got to be nice to people. I look at it as saying its going to be fun. Those people are going to be really, really happy.”