Quotes by Brené Brown

Shame derives its power from being unspeakable.

To know shame is to be human. And to have the capacity for empathy is also to be human.

In fact, all of us are very susceptible to having our humiliating experiences turn to shame, especially when the person who is putting us down is someone with whom we have a valued relationship or someone whom we perceive to have more power than we do...

When we are experience shame we are often thrown into crisis mode...In this mode, the neocortex is bypassed and our acess to advanced, rational, calm thinking and processing of emotion all but disappears...we find ourselves becoming aggressive, wanting to run and hide and feeling paralyzed...

...research tells us that we judge people in areas where were vulnerable to shame, especially picking folks who are doing worse than were doing. If I feel good about my parenting, I have no interest in judging other peoples choices. If I feel good about my body, I dont go around making fun of other peoples weight or appearance. Were hard on each other because were using each other as a launching pad out of our own perceived shaming deficiency.

There is a quiet transformation happening that is moving us from turning on each other to turning toward each other. Without question, that transformation will require shame resilience. If were willing to dare greatly and risk vulnerability with each other, worthiness has the power to set us free.

Knowing what I do now, I think about shame and worthiness in this way: Its the album, not the picture. If you imagine opening up a photo album, and many of the pages are full eight-by-ten photos of shaming events, youll close that album and walk away thinking, Shame defines that story. If, on the other hand, you open that album and see a few small photos of shame experiences, but each one is surrounded by pictures of worthiness, hope, struggle, resilience, courage, failure, success, and vulnerability, the shame experience are only a part of a larger story. They dont define the album.

Shame hates it when we reach out and tell our story. It hates having words wrapped around it- it cant survive being shared. Shame loves secrecy. When we bury our story, the shame metastasizes.

You cannot shame or belittle people into changing their behaviors.

If you want to make a difference, the next time you see someone being cruel to another human being, take it personally. Take it personally because it is personal!

When you judge yourself for needing help, you judge those you are helping. When you attach value to giving help, you attach value to needing help.

The willingness to show up changes us, It makes us a little braver each time.

Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. Its about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.

Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.

Everyone wants to know why customer service has gone to hell in a handbasket. I want to know why customer behavior has gone to hell in a handbasket.

Serpentining means trying to control a situation, backing out of it, pretending its not happening, or maybe even pretending that you dont care. We use it to dodge conflict, discomfort, possible confrontation, the potential for shame or hurt, and/or criticism (self- or other-inflicted). Serpentining can lead to hiding out, pretending, avoidance, procrastination, rationalizing, blaming, and lying.I have a tendency to want to serpentine when I feel vulnerable. If I have to make a difficult call, Ill try to script both sides of it. Ill convince myself that I should wait, Ill draft an e-mail while telling myself that its better in writing, and Ill think of a million other things to do. Ill emotionally run back and forth until Im exhausted.

Cruelty is easy, cheap and rampant.

“Understanding the difference between healthy striving and perfectionism is critical to laying down the shield and picking up your life. Research shows that perfectionism hampers success. In fact, its often the path to depression, anxiety, addiction, and life paralysis.”

“Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage arent always comfortable, but theyre never weakness.”

“Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.”