Quotes by Brené Brown

Ive found what makes children happy doesnt always prepare them to be courageous, engaged adults.

We cannot selectively numb emotions, when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions.Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage arent always comfortable, but theyre never weakness.

I dont have to chase extraordinary moments to find happiness - its right in front of me if Im paying attention and practicing gratitude.

In the absence of data, we will always make up stories. In fact, the need to make up a story, especially when we are hurt, is part of our most primitive survival wiring. Mean making is in our biology, and our default is often to come up with a story that makes sense, feels familiar, and offers us insight into how best to self-protect.

Courage, the original definition of courage, when it first came into the English language — it’s from the Latin word cor, meaning heart — and the original definition was to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart.

It doesnt matter if the group is a church or a gang or a sewing circle or masculinity itself, asking members to dislike, disown, or distance themselves from another group of people as a condition of belonging is always about control and power. I think we have to question the intentions of any group that insists on disdain toward other people as a membership requirement. It may be disguised as belonging, but real belonging doesnt necessitate disdain.

When you shut down vulnerability, you shut down opportunity

After doing this work or the past twelve years and watching scarcity ride roughshod over our families, organizations, and communities, Id say the one thing we have in common is that were sick of feeling afraid. we want to dare greatly. Were tired of the national conversation centering on What should we fear and Who should we blame? We all want to be brave.

He explained that unlike our other classes in the program, research was all about prediction and control. I was smitten. You mean that rather than leaning and holding, I could spend my career predicting and controlling? I had found my calling.

If we don’t allow ourselves to experience joy and love, we will definitely miss out on filling our reservoir with what we need when. . . . hard things happen.

When I look at narcissism through the vulnerability lens, I see the shame-based fear of being ordinary. I see the fear of never feeling extraordinary enough to be noticed, to be lovable, to belong, or to cultivate a sense of purpose.

If we can share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame cant survive.

Until we can receive with an open heart, were never really giving with an open heart. When we attach judgment to receiving help, we knowingly or unknowingly attach judgment to giving help.

One of the greatest barriers to connection is the cultural importance we place on going it alone. Somehow weve come to equate success with not needing anyone. Many of us are willing to extend a helping hand, but were very reluctant to reach out for help when we need it ourselves. Its as if weve divided the world into those who offer help and those who need help. The truth is that we are both.

I only accept and pay attention to feedback from people who are also in the arena. If youre occasionally getting your butt kicked as you respond, and if youre also figuring out how to stay open to feedback without getting pummeled by insults, Im more likely to pay attention to your thought about my work. If, on the other hand, youre not helping, contributing, or wrestling with your own gremlins, Im not at all interested in your commentary.

Nostalgia is also a dangerous form of comparison. Think about how often we compare ourselves and our lives to a memory that nostalgia has so completely edited that it never really existed.

Until we can receive with an open heart, we are never really giving with an open heart.

Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.

Perfectionism is a self destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame.

Our stories are not meant for everyone. Hearing them is a privilege, and we should always ask ourselves this before we share: Who has earned the right to hear my story? If we have one or two people in our lives who can sit with us and hold space for our shame stories, and love us for our strengths and struggles, we are incredibly lucky. If we have a friend, or small group of friends, or family who embraces our imperfections, vulnerabilities, and power, and fills us with a sense of belonging, we are incredibly lucky.