Quotes by Billy Connelly

“A womans mind is as complex as the contents of her handbag; even when you get to the bottom of it, there is ALWAYS something at the bottom to surprise you!”

“To a member of the audience who was heckling - Dont tell me how to do my job, do I go to your job and tell you how to sweep up”

“In Scotland, there is no such thing as bad weather - only the wrong clothes.”

“Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... Hes a mile away and youve got his shoes!”

“People who ask, Can I ask you a question? Didnt really give me a choice there, did you sunshine?When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, Has the bus come yet? If the bus came, would I be standing here, Knobhead?When youre involved in an accident and someone asks, Are you alright? Yes, fine thanks, Ill just pick up my limbs and be off. People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks, thats an image I really didnt need.”

“Marriage is a wonderful invention, but, then again, so is a bicycle repair kit!”

“I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagination as I used to be.”

“Whats being bought is the PR value, and the marketing value.”