Quotes by Beth Praed

Why Does He Do That? Thats the number one question, isnt it? Maybe its his drinking, you say. Maybe its his learning disabilities. Its his job; he hates it. Hes stressed. I think hes bipolar. Its his mothers fault; she spoiled him rotten. Its the drugs. If only he didnt use. Its his temper. Hes selfish. Its the pornography; hes obsessed. The list could go on and on. You could spend many years trying to pinpoint it and never get a definite answer. The fact is, many people have these problems and they arent abusive. Just because someone is an alcoholic doesnt mean he is abusive. Men hate their jobs all the time and arent abusive. Bipolar? Okay. Stressed? Who isnt! Do you see where I am going with this? Off the subject a bit, when someone commits a violent crime, they always report in the news about his possible motive. As human beings, we need to somehow make sense of things. If someone murders someone, do you think it makes the family of the victim feel better to know the murderers motive? No. Except for self-defense, there really is no excuse for murder. Motive, if there is any, is irrelevant. The same is true of abuse. You could spend your whole life going round and round trying to figure out why. The truth is, the why doesnt matter. There are only two reasons why men commit abuse—because they want to do so and because they can. You want to know why. In many ways, you might feel like you need to know. But, if you could come up with a reason or a motive, it wouldnt help you. Maybe you believe that if you did this or that differently, he wouldnt have abused you. That is faulty thinking and wont help you get better. You didnt do anything to cause the abuse. No matter what you said, no matter what you did, you didnt deserve to be abused. You are the victim and it wont help you to know why he supposedly abused you. No matter what his reason, there is no excuse for abuse. You are not to blame.