Quotes by Ben Elton

“If only the strength of the love that people feel when it is reciprocated could be as intense and obsessive as the love we feel when it is not; then marriages would be truly made in heaven.”

“No collection of people who are all waiting for the same thing are capable of holding a natural conversation. Even if the thing they are waiting for is only a taxi.”

“People who get through life dependent on other peoples possessions are always the first to lecture you on how little possessions count.”

“Sympathy for victims is always counter-balanced by an equal and opposite feeling of resentment towards them.”

“My advice to anyone adapting a novel is that once theyve read it and learnt to understand it, then they must throw it away and never look at it again!”

“Most of my stand-up comedy is about being a small, scared, neurotic individual among the billions of other small, scared, neurotic individuals that make up the mass which is us. I always think the first target of a stand-up comic should be themselves-we all share our weaknesses, and its fun to use them as a source of comedy.”

“Weve all got to look at ourselves, start with yourself, thats all you can do. I believe that we can act responsibly as a group, its just that there are vested interests telling us not to bother.”

“Most of my work isnt directly autobiographical. It tends to be an amalgam of things Ive seen and heard and thought and conversations Ive had.”

“I try hard not to preach, but I get carried away, which is a mistake, but its a risk worth running.”

“Even if it sounds pretentious, which it isnt-Ive found it artistically challenging to produce a monologue that is filled with laughter and ideas. Its a tough thing to pull off, but satire is better if it has conviction behind it.”

This calls for a very special blend of psychology and extreme violence.

Books are the key. A book cannot be accessed from afar. You have to hold it, you have to read it.

You didnt wake up, your dreams just changed gear.

People in that crowd want to make poverty history, but NOT if they have to pay for it themselves

The worst thing about being a great power is when youre not one any more. It takes centuries to get over it.

Artists dont create society, they reflect it

They were the Saturday Club, a secret society of which only the four of them were aware and which none other could join.

I see dull people as projects ... to be reformed

To positively discriminate in favour of groups that have been negatively discriminated against in the past.

Any closer would unravel her mystery, the very thing which made her so truly beautiful...It was her mystery that he adored. He was in love with everything that he did not know about her... No real sexual encounter could ever match the secret one that he could nurture in his imagination... No living flesh could ever be the erotic equal of flesh kept private, untouchable and unknowable