Quotes by Anonymous

A banker is a man who lends you an umbrella when the weather is fair and takes it away from you when it rains.

Love is like war easy to begin but hard to end.

And when I was born I drew in the common air and fell upon the earth which is of like nature and the first voice which I uttered was crying as all others do . . . For all men have one entrance into life. The Apocrypha Mondays child is fair of face Tuesdays child is full of grace Wednesdays child is full of woe Thursdays child has far to go Fridays child is loving and giving Saturdays child works hard for a living But the child born on the Sabbath day Is happy and wise and good and gay.

Born on Monday fair in the face Born on Tuesday full of Gods grace Born on Wednesday sour and sad Born on Thursday merry and glad Born on Friday worthily given

Shes not pushing forty shes dragging it.

The age of some women is like the speedometer on a used car - you know its set back but you dont know how far.

Pushing fifty is exercise enough.

When I think of my dad as a little boy I tend to think of him in black and white.

Shes too young for Medicare and too old for me to care.

When she told me her age I believed her - why not? she hasnt changed her story for five years.

Life begins at fifty but so does bad eyesight arthritis and the habit of telling the same story three times to the same listeners.

When Julia Child was asked to what she credited her longevity she replied Red meat and gin.

Once my wife gave me a wonderful birthday present. She let me win an argument.

When were young we want to change the world. When were old we want to change the young.

Remember when we used to laugh at old people when we were young? Do you recall what was so funny?

I wouldnt say someone is old just because his social security is in Roman numerals or because Mozart played at his senior prom.

If you think a lot of the comments made tonight are not funny but are immature and tasteless thats only because the sense of humor is the first thing to go.

I was going to take you out to lunch for your birthday . . . but you already are.

God bless me and my son John Me and my wife him and his wife Us four and no more.

Combine common sense and the Golden Rule and you will have very little bad luck.