Quotes by Andy Richter

“If somebodys looking at pictures of naked people and you go, Oh I dont want to see that, youre lying. Cause naked people are always interesting. Always. Whether theyre beautiful, or naked or 500 pounds.”

“Since she got a cause and stopped being funny. I think shes real funny, but lately its all been hearts and flowers and tears and saving teenagers and creating a role model. And that aint funny. No giggles there.”

“Some people are born with a brain that has this weird, magical mathematical thing that makes them an amazing jazz musician.”

“Weve been swimming at nude beaches and I love to go skinny dipping, but Im sorry, sitting on top of a mountain, thats just, youre trying to show off or something. Thats ridiculous.”

“When I first started working, it was a little bit like that. They said, Come be a writer, but well find a place for you to perform somehow. Initially, I wasnt that helpful as a writer. Because, if you tell me what the bit is, I can come up with jokes for it. I can write dialogue, but what they needed was guys who could say, Okay, its a machine where you put in a piece of fruit and pull on this lever and out comes a celebrity joke.”

“I kinda feel like I know the funniest people. I guess Bill Murray. Its really, really hard for him to do wrong in my estimate. We just rented The Man Who Knew Too Little, and its a pretty misguided movie. But there are things that he does that are so funny.”

“Because homecoming came first, and there was the homecoming court. The five guys on homecoming court were disqualified from being in the prom court. So being prom king was being sixth most popular.”

“Robert called me and said, Im gonna be working with this guy Conan OBrien whos taking over Lettermans show. Do you wanna meet him, maybe get a job as a writer on the show? And I said yeah, Im tired of eating baloney. I had started to apply for day jobs, which up till that point I had been able to avoid for three years, you know, waiting on tables or whatever.”

“Youre boring me. Youre doing it wrong.”

“Jesus Christ, somebodys already written the words for you. You know what youre going to say.”