Quotes by Andrew Kaufman

“Exchanging ideas and techniques is motivating. Theres always something new to learn.”

“When I was 30, I said enough of this. I decided it was time to grow up.”

“I look forward to coming in and cooking everyday. It just comes naturally.”

The Perfectionist pushed Tom onto her bed. She took off his shirt. She took off his shoes and his socks. She took off his pants. She took off his boxers.With most guys the Perfectionist would stop there. She didn’t. She was still feeling reckless. She took off his skin. She took off his nervous system. She lifted up his rib cage. His heart beat in her hand. And there, underneath it, she found a rusted tin box. She opened it. Inside she found his hopes, his dreams and his fears. She stared at them. She was surprised to find them there and surprised at how beautiful they were. At that exact moment, the Perfectionist fell in love with Tom.

She said, “Only the weak are afraid to appear so.

Are you sad? Nicola asked. Richard turned in the chair. The scissors became motionless.Yes. I am sad. Im sad most of the time.Does it bother you?It never used to. But now it does. Very much.Its because the world disappoints you, Nicola said. She set down hers scissors. It continually fails to surprise you. It fails to be as wonderful as you long for it to be. This is where your sadness comes from.

We’re here,’ the Clock says.The Perfectionist opens her eyes. She sees nothing. It’s white. All white. There’s no up. There’s no down. No horizon. Nothing. It’s just white.‘Clock, what is this?’ asks the Perfectionist. Her voice is shaky.‘This is the future.’‘This is the future?’ the Perfectionist asks. Her mouth is dry. She forces herself to swallow.‘Why is the future like this?’‘Because it hasn’t happened yet,’ says the Clock

Okay, theres this thing you can do, a thing you can do like no other person on this planet. That makes you special, but being special really doesnt mean anything. You still have to get dressed in the morning. Your shoelaces still break. Your lover will still leave you if you dont treat her right

Why do bad things happen to good people?Because it makes a good story.

Remember that the truth within yourself will always be greater than the truth found in these pages. These stories are here to guide us—to help us find that truth, not to tell us what it is.

He knocks on doors and stands there. You’d be surprised how few doors get answered

the code of a world hed never been invited to join.

You know, youre very strong Nicola said.Thank you.Thats no compliment. Its your weakness. If you werent so strong you wouldnt have to take it and so you wouldnt.

I dont remember a single monster before I met you. hed told Amphibian. Now they seem to be all over the place.You mean there wasnt anything you were afraid of? the Amphibian had asked him.lots.What did they look like?It was a funny question.They didnt look like anything. They were ideas, Tom told him. Like not being able to pay rent, or being lonely.Thats the most terrifying thing Ive ever heard. the Amphibian replied.