Quotes by Allan Sherman

“You want to fall in love with a shoe, go ahead. A shoe cant love you back, but, on the other hand, a shoe cant hurt you too deeply either. And there are so many nice-looking shoes.”

“When the great history of trouble is written, my family will stand extremely high in the table of contents.”

“The whole city (Los Angeles) gives you the impression of impermanence. You have the feeling that one day someone is going to yell. Cut! Strike it! and then the stagehands will scurry out and remove the mountains, the movie-star homes, the Hollywood Bowl - everything.”

“Adultery - which is the only grounds for divorce in New York - is not grounds for divorce in California. As a matter of fact, adultery in Southern California is grounds for marriage.”

“Even if Scrabble had been invented then, I wouldnt have wanted to play Scrabble, because the highest triple word score in the world would not have expressed how much I liked the game Natalie and I played every afternoon.”

“Four times I looked for psychiatric help, and each time I arrived at the inescapable conclusion that the psychiatrist was crazier than I was.”

“Grandma cheated whenever she could. She cheated because it was a much more scientific and surer way of winning than trusting to luck.”

“I had moved out of the Edison Hotel because I couldnt pay the bill and was living at the Lincoln Hotel, where I couldnt pay the bill either, but it was cheaper.”

“I have always lived beyond my means. I am still trying to live beyond my means, but it is getting harder all the time. I am very rich.”

“I was having trouble making ends meet, and my beginnings werent meeting either.”

Anyone who calls it sexual intercourse cant possibly be interested in actually doing it. You might as well announce youre ready for lunch by proclaiming, Id like to do some masticating and enzyme secreting.