Quotes by Albert Brooks

“When I die, if the word thong appears in the first or second sentence of my obituary, Ive screwed up.”

“Bullfights are hugely popular because you can sit comfortably with a hot dog and possibly watch a man die. It wont be me, but I can sit comfortably and watch it.”

“I come from the place where I am thinking I have put my blood on the pages.”

“Id still like to see Survivor minus the planned show-biz parts. That would be the purest form of show business - I want to see someone so hungry that they eat somebody elses foot.”

“Im not interesting enough on my own that youd want to see a film about me.”

“If we had 3 million exhibitionists and only one voyeur, nobody could make any money.”

“Fear is playing a major part in Hollywood production,”

“I was allowed to film in the biggest mosque in India and when I told the imam the plot of the movie he started to laugh,”

“When we spoke, he told me, The Newsweek thing has changed the world. And I said, Wasnt it 9/11 that changed the world? But Michael said he just didnt want to take a chance.”

“Even if you didnt see the movie, youd see two words youd never seen put together before -- comedy and Muslim. Comedy is friendly -- its the least offensive word in our language.”

When you use more than 3-5% of your brain, you dont want to be on Earth!-Bob Diamond, Interdimensional Attorney, from the Albert Brooks movie, Defending Your Life

If anything happens to me tell every woman Ive ever gone with I was talking about her at the end. That way theyll have to reevaluate me.

I cant not put humor in a book.

My humor is traced with dark - Ive got dark patches all over the place.

Basically, I still have the privacy that all celebrities crave, except for those celebrities who feel that privacy reflects some kind of failure on their part.

Even though my father was a radio comedian, it wasnt cool to say, at a young age, I want to be a comedian.

My roots were in acting. Thats all I wanted to be. Even though my father was a radio comedian, it wasnt cool to say, at a young age, I want to be a comedian.

When I was younger, I wasnt concentrating on good days. I was managing a career and trying to have a good year. It would always lead to something, which never leads to anything except death, where everything leads to. And then as I got older, and then I had my kids and everything, I began to appreciate a great Wednesday.

I guess I was the class clown - with a name like Albert Einstein, you dont hide in the back. Id read the school bulletin to the class, and Id add activities and make stuff up. It was good, a good 10 minutes every morning.

I made my living in comedy, but Im not a silly person. Ive got all these sides to me. Even in my movies that Ive written myself, the characters sometimes border on great anger or nutsiness or other kinds of behavior. Im not just doing fart jokes for two hours.