“I always felt like I could be funny, but there was a part of me that always judged actors so harshly... I thought all actors were dumb-that they must have serious emotional problems. Even if they don't, that's the perception I had of them. I didn't want anyone to see me that way.”

“[Glammy deodorant -- now that's funny. So says Chris White, a professional comedian and (like most stand-ups) a sweat expert.] You shouldn't put anything expensive on your armpits -- it's one of the least savory parts, ... It's just something you don't do -- like putting a sweater on a dog.”

“Hey, Barry is hilarious. The guy is a total jokester, just funny as hell. That kind of stuff he did can go a long way. I think it was his way of showing his teammates what it's gonna be about. It means he's feeling good, too. I think it can bring the team together.”

“When I do my solo concerts, I'm used to being on the stage for two hours solid, singing 16 songs. And when I did 'Funny Thing,' I was on the stage the whole time. This is much more difficult. It's the difference between racing and sprinting. This is sprinting. And I have to learn to pace myself.”

“Sir James is an appalling human being, but he's also very funny and lovable. Immediately we learn that he's a complete fraud who got to the top of the system by dishonesty. He's busy saying that the political hierarchy is all wrong and that the system is corrupt. But he will also be the last one to ever apply those measures to himself.”

It was funny how the old practices always came around again. It was the rhythm of human enterprise to invent and worship some new approach, to fully reject it a generation later, to realize the need for it again a generation or two after that and then hastily reinvent it as new, usually without its original elegance. Scientists hated to look backward for anything.

“It's almost funny before you realize how sad it is. You want to try and tell somebody how to brace for the impact but you know you can't. How do you tell somebody they're going to get run over by a truck when they see it coming too but can't get out of the way?”

“It's a funny game. Sometimes it's the little things that don't go your way. As a pitching staff, we are just going out there and try to throw up zeros because we know we want the next guy to go up and put up zeros. Everybody is trying to pull up each other.”

But the three hundred and sixty-five authors who try to write new fairy tales are very tiresome. They always begin with a little boy or girl who goes out and meets the fairies of polyanthuses and gardenias and apple blossoms: 'Flowers and fruits, and other winged things.' These fairies try to be funny, and fail; or they try to preach, and succeed.

Never take offense. Even if someone is robbing you blind, it’s usually nothing personal. Survival is a funny thing, and we all react differently to it. Some react to fear and forget to be human and humane, but that doesn’t mean they have malicious intentions. People have different boundaries, and I promise to respect yours, hon.