Quotes by Ricky Gervais

“When a crabs pissed it walks forward.”

“Why by a book when you can join a library.”

“People see me in the suit and they know Im not fooling anyone, they know Im rock and roll through and through.”

“Pol Pot - he rounded up anybody he thought was intellectual and had them executed. And how he told someone was intellectual or not was whether they wore glasses. If theyre that clever, take them off when they see him coming!”

“Look, just tell me where that lemon came from and Ill shut up and go away.”

“Its the one thing I actively dont like: just being recognized.”

“Im from a little place called England ... We used to run the world before you.”

“Karl had expressed his horror in the past at the thought of a rectal examination, and I thought this fear was a nice theme,”

“I suppose I grew up wishing I was an American Jew for the comedy and the one-liners. ... actress who does a Holocaust movie because, as she explains, its a surefire way to finally win an Oscar.”

“The A-list celebrities were always going to be the icing on the cake. Its always been more of an ensemble piece.”

“She said, Im your biggest fan, and I said, Who are you? She said, Paris Hilton.”

I see Atheists are fighting and killing each other again, over who doesnt believe in any God the most. Oh, no..wait.. that never happens.

In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth . . . Then he said, Let there be light. Which means he made the entire universe in the dark! How fucking good is that? Hes brilliant.

… Science is constantly proved all the time. You see, if we take something like any fiction, any holy book… and destroyed it, in a thousand years’ time, that wouldn’t come back just as it was. Whereas if we took every science book, and every fact, and destroyed them all, in a thousand years they’d all be back, because all the same tests would [produce] the same result.

A Christian telling an atheist theyre going to hell is as scary as a child telling an adult theyre not getting any presents from Santa.

Do unto others…’ is a good rule of thumb. I live by that. Forgiveness is probably the greatest virtue there is. But that’s exactly what it is - a virtue. Not just a Christian virtue. No one owns being good. I’m good. I just don’t believe I’ll be rewarded for it in heaven. My reward is here and now. It’s knowing that I try to do the right thing. That I lived a good life. And that’s where spirituality really lost its way. When it became a stick to beat people with. ‘Do this or you’ll burn in hell.’ You won’t burn in hell. But be nice anyway.

The best advice Ive ever received is, No one else knows what theyre doing either.

You won’t burn in hell. But be nice anyway.

It’s a strange myth that atheists have nothing to live for. It’s the opposite. We have nothing to die for. We have everything to live for.

The existence of God is not subjective. He either exists or he doesn’t. It’s not a matter of opinion. You can have your own opinions. But you can’t have your own facts.