Smiling, I cut across the quadrangle toward the commons. I felt better about life than I had in a very long time. We could do this, Lissa and me. We could do this together.
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Longing surged up within me. I wanted it. Oh God, I wanted it. I didnt want to hear Jerome chastise me for my all lowlifes, all the time seduction policy. I wanted to come home and tell someone about my day. I wanted to go out dancing on the weekends. I wanted to take vacations together. I wanted someone to hold me when I was upset, when the ups and downs of the world pushed me too far. I wanted someone to love.
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What were you thinking? I demanded once we were moving to the music. I was trying to ignore his hands. Do you know how much trouble you may have gotten me in?Adrian grinned. Nah. They all feel bad for you. Youll achieve martyrdom after dancing with a mean, wicked vampire. Job security with the Alchemists.
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Sydney, dont leave Adrian because of me.Its more complicated than that, I said automatically.Its really not, she said. From everything Ive seen and heard, youre just afraid. Youve always controlled every detail of your life. When you couldnt-like with the Alchemists-you found a way to seize back that control.There is nothing wrong with wanting control, I snapped.Except that we cant always have it, and sometimes that is a good thing. A great thing, even, she added. And thats how it is with Adrian. No matter how hard you try, you arent going to be able to control your feelings for him. You cant help loving him, and so youre running away. Im just an excuse.
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Aubrey, crouching on a nearby counter, watched me with squinty eyes, apparently pondering why anyone would willingly immerse themselves in water ever, let alone for extended periods of time.
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I wished the kiss could have gone on forever. Breaking the embrace, he ran a few fingers through my hair and down my cheek. He stepped back toward the door.Ill see you later, RozaAt our next practice? I asked. We are starting those up again, right? I mean, you still have things to teach me.Yes. Lots of things.
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Those words, that voice, had more power over me than any phantom ever could.
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Sorry,ʺ she said, her face shining with joy when she saw me. ʺShould have put a sock on the door. Didnʹt realize things were getting hot and heavy.ʺʺNo avoiding it,ʺ I said lightly, clasping Dimitriʹs hand. ʺThings are always hot with him around.ʺDimitri looked scandalized. Heʹd never held back when we were in bed together, but his private nature wouldnʹt let him even hint about such matters to others. It was mean, but I laughed and kissed his cheek.ʺOh, this is going to be fun,ʺ I said. ʺNow that everythingʹs out in the open.ʺʺYeah,ʺ he said. ʺI got a pretty ‘funʹ look from your father the other day.
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Love fades, mine has.~Dimitri Belikov~
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It does. This is how it should have been anyway. I caught my breath as he kissed my neck, teeth grating my skin. And Ill take back whats mine.
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What hope is there? I asked. If even angels fall, what hope is there for the rest of us?
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For every bad thing in life, there are more good things to tip the balance.
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And after a while...I mean, how do you choose? Who gets to live? Part of life is that...well, some people have to die. My powers arent a prescription you can get filled as needed.
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My mother was a voice of reason, a reminder that they had to stay focused and fully assess the situation. Her composure calmed everybody; her strong manner inspired them. This, I realized, was how a leader behaved.
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In the real world, you can make your own miracles
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Youre better than this. Better than whatever it is youre going to do now.
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Im sure it is, she replied. Her expression turned fierce, making her look far different from the scattered teacher I knew. But listen to me when I say this. You are exceptional, taleneted, and brilliant young woman. Do not ever let anyone make you feel like youre less. Do not ever let anyone make you feel invisible. Do not let anyone-not even a teacher who constantly sends you for coffee-push you around. She put her glasses back on and began randomly lifting up pieces of papers. At last, she found a pen and grinned triumphantly.Now, then. What is your brothers name?
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Just friends, just friends. Standing there in the bookstore, watching Seth walk away, I half wondered how anyone could still use that line. But I knew why, of course. It was used because people still believed it. Or at least they wanted to.
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Was Deirdre right about me purposely wanting relationships that were impossible?
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Sometimes its worth lingering on the journey for a while before getting to the destination.
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