Quotes by Mike Birbiglia

It sounds so nerdy and pathetic, but what I always do on Sunday afternoon is bring my inbox down to zero, which is so sad. But e-mail has become like homework for adults. Ill have 141 messages from people who will be offended if I dont write back.

My first car was, as depicted in Sleepwalk with Me, my mothers 92 Volvo station wagon that had 80,000 miles on it, and I had put 40,000 miles on it, so by the time it retired it had 120,000, and I basically killed it. It served me well, and my mechanic was always very angry with me because I just didnt properly care for it.

I think that my regrets mostly have to do with my relationship with my ex-girlfriend. Every once in a while, you get those flashback memories of conversations you had with your exes, and you just, like, wince when youre walking down the street. Something occurs to you, Oh, no, I said that.

Growing up, I was discouraged from telling personal stories. My dad often used the phrase Dont tell anyone. But not about creepy things. I dont want to lead you down the wrong path. It would be about insignificant things. Like, I wouldnt make the soccer team, and my father would say, Dont tell anyone.

My dad goes through war novels like I go through boxes of Cinnamon Toast Crunch.