Quotes by Maria Semple

Was it happiness Id found in my long marriage? Or capitulation? Or is that all happiness is, capitulation?

That was happiness. Not the framed greatest hits, but the moments in between. At the time, I hadnt pegged them as being particularly happy. But now, looking back at those phantom snapshots, Im struck by my calm, my ease, the evident comfort with my life. Im happy in retrospect.

Maybe that’s what religion is, hurling yourself off a cliff and trusting that something bigger will take care of you and carry you to the right place.

As far as I’m concerned, the only thing sweeter than seeing a friend is that friend canceling on me.

Fast, Cheap, Good: Pick Two.

Earlier this year, Id told a mother at school Id been married fifteen year. She asked, Whats the secret to a long marriage? I thought for a second, then answered, Staying married.

When “Here Comes the Sun” started, what happened? No, the sun didn’t come out, but Mom opened up like the sun breaking through the clouds. You know how in the first few notes of that song, there’s something about George’s guitar that’s just so hopeful? It was like when Mom sang, she was full of hope, too. She even got the irregular clapping right during the guitar solo. When the song was over, she paused it.“Oh, Bee,” she said. “This song reminds me of you.” She had tears in her eyes.

My heart started racing, not the bad kind of heart racing, like Im going to die. But the good kind of heart racing, like, Hello, can I help you with something? If not, please step aside because Im about to kick the shit out of life.

People like you must create. If you dont create, Bernadette, you will become a menace to society.

Id say I never considered myself a great architect. Im more of a creative problem solver with good taste and a soft spot for logistical nightmares.

Every single iceberg filled me with feelings of sadness and wonder. Not thoughts of sadness and wonder, mind you, because thoughts require a thinker, and my head was a balloon, incapable of thoughts. I didnt think about Dad, I didnt think about you, and, the big one, I didnt think about myself. The effect was like heroin (I think), and I wanted to stretch it out as long as possible.Even the simplest human interaction would send me crashing back to earthly thoughts. So I was the first one out in the morning, and the last one back. I only went kayaking, never stepped foot on the White Continent proper. I kept my head down, stayed in my room, and slept, but, mainly, I was. No racing heart, no flying thoughts.

I was a ghost on a ghost ship in a ghost land

Every feeling I ever knew was up in that sky: Twinkling joyous sunlight; airy, giggling cloud wisps; blinding columns of sun. Orbs of gold, pink, flesh, utterly cheesy in their luminosity. Gigantic puffy clouds, welcoming, forgiving, repeating infinitely across the horizon as if between mirrors; and slices of rain, pounding wet misery in the distance now, but soon on us, and in another part of the sky, a black stain, rainless.

I just want to hold you close. I gave Timby a squeeze. He relaxed in my embrace. Im wild about you, you know that, right?I know. He smiled up at me.You dont have to be wild about me too. Just try to like me a little more than you do now.

I know its a lot. But she can handle it. Id rather ruin her with the truth than ruin her with lies.

Your mission statement says Galer Street is based on global connectitude. (You people dont just think outside the box, you think outside the dictionary!)

The penguins that spent most of their time fighting were the ones with no chicks...Its like theyre supposed to be taking care of their chicks. But because they dont have any, they have nothing to do with all their energy. So they just pick fights.

The sky in Seattle is so low, it felt like God had lowered a silk parachute over us. Every feeling I ever knew was up in that sky. Twinkling joyous sunlight; airy, giggle cloud wisps; blinding columns of sun. Orbs of gold, pink. flesh, utterly cheesy in their luminosity. Gigantic puffly clouds, welcoming, forgiving, repeating infinitely across the horizon as if between mirrors; and slices of rain, pounding wet misery in the distance now, but soon on us, and in another part of the sky, a black stain, rainless.

Whats this? She pulled out a card and held it away from her face. I cant read what it says. I took it from her and read it aloud.1. Beeber Bifocal2. Twenty Mile House3. Bee4. Your escapeFourteen miracles to go.

the most random things get her way too full of love