Quotes by Judith Martin

“The invention of the teenager was a mistake. Once you identify a period of life in which people get to stay out late but dont have to pay taxes - naturally, nobody wants to live any other way.”

“Hypocrisy is not generally a social sin, but a virtue.”

“The dinner table is the center for the teaching and practicing not just of table manners but of conversation, consideration, tolerance, family feeling, and just about all the other accomplishments of polite society except the minuet.”

“When a society abandons its ideals just because most people cant live up to them, behavior gets very ugly indeed.”

“Chaperons, even in their days of glory, were almost never able to enforce morality; what they did was to force immorality to be discreet. This is no small contribution.”

“Honesty has come to mean the privilege of insulting you to your face without expecting redress.”

“If written directions alone would suffice, libraries wouldnt need to have the rest of the universities attached.”

“The simple idea that everyone needs a reasonable amount of challenging work in his or her life, and also a personal life, complete with noncompetitive leisure, has never really taken hold.”

“Gentle reader: Yes, the thing to do is to ignore it. A general rule of etiquette is that one apologizes for the unfortunate occurrence, but the unthinkable is unmentionable”

“Its far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.”

There are three possible parts to a date, of which at least two must be offered: entertainment, food, and affection. It is customary to begin a series of dates with a great deal of entertainment, a moderate amount of food, and the merest suggestion of affection. As the amount of affection increases, the entertainment can be reduced proportionately. When the affection IS the entertainment, we no longer call it dating. Under no circumstances can the food be omitted.

There was no singles problem until singles got so single-minded that they stopped wasting time with anyone ineligible. Before that, it was understood that one of societys main tasks was matchmaking. People with lifelong friendships and ties to local nonprofessional organizations did not have to fear that isolation would accompany retirement, old age, or losing a spouse. Overburdened householders could count on the assistance not only of their own extended families, but of the American tradition of neighborliness.

We are all born rude. No infant has ever appeared yet with the grace to understand how inconsiderate it is to disturb others in the middle of the night.

The rationale that etiquette should be eschewed because it fosters inequality does not ring true in a society that openly admits to a feverish interest in the comparative status-conveying qualities of sneakers. Manners are available to all, for free.

If you cant be kind, at least be vague.

When virtues are pointed out first, flaws seem less insurmountable.

DEAR MISS MANNERS:I a tired of being treated like a child. My father says its because I am a child--I am twelve-and-a-half years old--but it still isnt fair. If I go into a store to buy something, nobody pays any attention to me, or if they do, its to say, Leave that alone, Dont touch that, although I havent done anything. My money is as good as anybodys, but because I am younger, they feel they can be mean to me. It happens to me at home, too. My mothers friend who comes over after dinner sometimes, who doesnt have any children of her own and doesnt know whats what, likes to say to me, Shouldnt you be in bed by now,dear? when she doesnt even know what my bedtime is supposed to be. Is there any way I can make these people stop?GENTLE READER:Growing up is the best revenge.

The invention of the teenager was a mistake. Once you identify a period of life in which people get to stay out late but dont have to pay taxes - naturally, no one wants to live any other way.

Nobody believes that the man who says, Look, lady, you wanted equality, to explain why he wont give up his seat to a pregnant woman carrying three grocery bags, a briefcase, and a toddler is seized with the symbolism of idealism.

One reason that the task of inventing manners is so difficult is that etiquette is folk custom, and people have emotional ties to the forms of their youth. That is why there is such hostility between generations in times of rapid change; their manners being different, each feels affronted by the other, taking even the most surface choices for challenges.