To die is different from what anyone supposed, and luckier.
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(I didn’t tell him that thediagnosis came three months after I got my first period. Like: Congratulations! You’re a woman. Now die.)
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Chip, she’s gone,” and he said, “I thought I’d feel her looking down on us, but you’re right. She’s just gone
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I know what happens a the end of falling-landing
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Thats the thing about pain, it demands to be felt.
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The problem, of course, is that theres no way of knowing that your last good day is your Last Good Day. At the time, its just another good day.
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Funerals, I had decided, are for the living.
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If people were rain I was a drizzle and she was a hurricane.
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But I believe in true love, you know? Idon’t believe that everybody gets to keep their eyes or not get sick or whatever, but everybody should have true love, and it should last at least as long as your life does.
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We were just standing there, and her eyes were so interesting. Not in the usual way of being interesting, like being extremely blue or extremely big or flanked by obscenely long lashes or anything.
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I worked hard to meet his eyes, even though they were the kind of pretty that’s hard to look at..
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You can’t burn down a made-up place.
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And then something invisible snapped insider her, and that which had come together commenced to fall apart.
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How will I ever get out of this labyrinth! to a margin note written in her loop-heavy cursive: Straight & Fast.
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She has great breasts, the Colonel said without looking up from the whale.DO NOT OBJECTIFY WOMENS BODIES! Alaska shouted.Now he looked up. Sorry. Perky breasts.Thats not any better!
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And well call you...hmmm. Pudge.Huh?Pudge, the Colonel said. Because youre skinny. Its called irony, Pudge. Heard of it? Now, lets go get some cigarettes and start this year off right.
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You are so busy being YOU that you have no idea how utterly unprecedented you are.
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We just did an awesome job of not dying.
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I dont think youre dying, I said. I think youve just got a touch of cancer.He smiled. Gallows humor.
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How fun it would be to bounce on the back of Lidewij Vliegenthart’s bike down the brick streets, her curly red hair blowing into my face, the smell of the canals and cigarette smoke, all the people sitting outside the cafés drinking beer, saying their r’s and g’s in a way I’d never learn. I missed the future. Obviously I knew even before his recurrence that I’d never grow old with Augustus Waters. But thinking about Lidewij and her boyfriend, I felt robbed. I would probably never again see the ocean from thirty thousand feet above, so far up that you can’t make out the waves or any boats, so that the ocean is a great and endless monolith. I could imagine it. I could remember it. But I couldn’t see it again, and it occurred to me that the voracious ambition of humans is never sated by dreams coming true, because there is always the thought that everything might be done better and again.
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