Quotes by John Bradshaw

Science has so far been unable to tell us how self-aware dogs are, much less whether they have anything like our conscious thoughts. This is not surprising, since neither scientists nor philosophers can agree about what the consciousness of humans consists of, let alone that of animals.

Playing roles and acting are forms of lying. If a person acts like they really feel and it rocks the boat, they are ostracized. We promote pretense and lying as a cultural way of life. Living this way causes an inner split. It teaches us to hide and cover up our toxic shame. This sends us deeper into isolation and loneliness.

THE MYTH OF THE GOOD OL BOY AND THE NICE GAL The good of boy myth and the nice gal are a kind of social conformity myth. They create a real paradox when put together with the rugged individual part of the Success Myth. How can I be a rugged individual, be my own man and conform at the same time? Conforming means Dont make a wave, Dont rock the boat. Be a nice gal or a good ol boy. This means that we have to pretend a lot. We are taught to be nice and polite. We are taught that these behaviors (most often lies) are better than telling the truth. Our churches, schools, and politics are rampant with teaching dishonesty (saying things we dont mean and pretending to feel ways we dont feel). We smile when we feel sad; laugh nervously when dealing with grief; laugh at jokes we dont think are funny; tell people things to be polite that we surely dont mean. - Bradshaw On: The Family

The disowned part of self is an energy - an emotion or desire or need, that has been shamed every time it emerged. These energy patterns are repressed but not destroyed. They are alive in our unconscious.

DENIAL OF EMOTIONSOur culture does not handle emotions well. We like folks to be happy and fine. We learn rituals of acting happy and fine at an early age. I can remember many times telling people Im fine when I felt like the world was caving in on me. I often think of Senator Muskie who cried on the campaign trail when running for president. From that moment on he was history. We dont want a president who has emotions. We would rather have one that can act! Emotions are certainly not acceptable in the workplace. True expression of any emotions that are not positive are met with disdain.

The capacity for love that makes dogs such rewarding companions has a flip-side: They find it difficult to cope without us. Since we humans programmed this vulnerability, its our responsibility to ensure that our dogs do not suffer as a result.

Perhaps nothing so accurately characterizes dysfunctional families as denial. The denial forces members to keep believing the myths and vital lies in spite of the facts, or to keep expecting that the same behaviors will have different outcomes.Dads not an alcoholic because he never drinks in the morning, in spite of the fact that hes drunk every night.

To be shame-bound means that whenever you feel any feeling, need or drive, you immediately feel ashamed. The dynamic core of your human life is grounded in your feelings, needs and drives. When these are bound by shame, you are shamed to the core.

The most paradoxical aspect of neurotic shame is that it is the core motivator of the superachieved and the underachieved, the star and the scapegoat, the righteous and the wretched, the powerful and the pathetic.

Perhaps nothing so accurately characterizes dysfunctional families as denial.

I believe that this neglected wounded inner child of the past is the major source of human misery.

I believe that this neglected wounded inner child of the past is the major source of human misery.

Virtue is an inner strength. It expands your nature.

Evil is a source of moral intelligence in the sense that we need to learn from our shadow, from our dark side, in order to be good.

I define a good person as somebody who is fully conscious of their own limitations. They know their strengths, but they also know their shadow - they know their weaknesses. In other words, they understand that there is no good without bad. Good and evil are really one, but we have broken them up in our consciousness. We polarize them.

Its essential to tell the truth at all times. This will reduce lifes pain. Lying distorts reality. All forms of distorted thinking must be corrected.