Quotes by Jessica Valenti

Because while my daughter lives in a world that knows what happens to women is wrong, it has also accepted this wrongness as inevitable.

Still, somehow, inexplicably, “man-hater” is a word tossed around with insouciance as if this was a real thing that did harm. Meanwhile we have no real word for men who kill women. Is the word just “men”?

We say misogynist; Ive written that misogyny kills, but the world falls flat on your tongue - its too academic sounding, not raw or horrifying enough to relay the truth of what it means.

No matter the content, the message is clear: we are here for their enjoyment and little else. We have to walk through the rest of our day knowing that our discomfort gave someone a hard-on.

As bell hooks wrote in a 1998 essay, Naked Without Shame, about black womens bodies and politics, Marked by shame, projected as inherent and therefore precluding any possibility of innocence, the black female body was beyond redemption. She points out that since the time of U.S. slavery, men have benefited from positioning black women as naturally promiscuous because it absolves them of guilt when they sexually assault and rape women of color. [I]t was impossible to ruin that which was received as inherently unworthy, tainted, and soiled, hooks wrote. Women of color, low-income women, immigrant women- these are the women who are not seen as worthy of being placed on a pedestal. Its only our perfect virgins who are valuable, worthy of discourse and worship.

Idolizing virginity as a stand-in for womens morality means that nothing else matters- not what we accomplish, not what we think, not what we care about and work for. Just if/how/whom we have sex with. Thats all.

By fetishizing youth and virginity, were supporting a disturbing message: that really sexy women arent women at all- theyre girls.

Young women are not putting themselves in danger. The people around them are doing the real damage. Who? you might wonder. The abstinence teacher who tells her students that theyll go to jail if they have premarital sex. The well-founded organization that tells girls on college campuses that they should be looking for a husband, not taking womens studies classes. The judge who rules against a rape survivor because she didnt meet whatever standard for a victim he had in mind. The legislator who pushes a bill to limit young womens access to abortion because he doesnt think theyre smart enough to make their own decisions. These are the people who are making the world a worse place, and a more dangerous one, at that, for girls and young women. Were just doing our best to live in it.

Antifeminists are the only ones who benefit from their version of working on womens behalf; in reality, they put other women at risk and fail to solve any larger problems.

What other movement has ensured that young women have the rights that they have today? Feminism is responsable not only for the decline in violence against women over the last decade, but also for equal pay and rights legislation, reproductive justice, and the list goes on. So Im more than a little suspicious of those who see womens advancement as a bad thing.

Young women are not putting themselves in danger. The people around them are doing the real damage. Who? you might wonder. The abstinence teacher who tells her students that theyll go to jail if they have premarital sex. The well-founded organizarion that tells girls on college campuses that they should be looking for a husband, not taking womens studies classes. The judge who rules against a rape survivor because she didnt meet whatever standard for a victim he had in mind. The legislator who pushes a bill to limit young womens access to abortion because he doesnt think theyre smart enough to make their own decisions. These are the people who are making the world a worse place, and a more dangerous one, at that, for girls and young women. Were just doing our best to live in it.

Consider another abstinence product: a gold rose pin handed out in schools or at Christian youth events. The pin is attached to a small card that reads, You are like a beautiful rose. Each time you engage is pre-marital sex a previous petal is stripped away. Dont leave your future husband holding a bare stem. Abstain.Do we really want to teach our daughters that without their virginity theyre nothing but a bare stem?

Young women are not putting themselves in danger. The people around them are doing the real damage. Who? you might wonder. The abstinence teacher who tells her students that theyll go to jail if they have premarital sex. The well-founded organizarion that tells girls on college campuses that they should be looking for a husband, not taking womens studies classes. The judge who rules against a rape survivor because she didnt meet whatevel standard for a victim he had in mind. The legislator who pushes a bill to limit young womens access to abortion because he doesnt think theyre smart enough to make their own decisions. These are the people who are making the world a worse place, and a more dangerous one, at that, for girls and young women. Were just doing our best to live in it.

Antifeminists are the only ones who benefit from their version of working on womens behalf; in reality, they put other women at risk and fail to solce any larger problems.

Ive thought often about why - why?! - anyone, especially other women, would try to disrupt feminist work that combats violence. What in the world could be the point of that? The only reason Ive come up with, and I think it makes sense, is fear of becoming that impure woman.

[Robert] Jensen calls for an end to our current understanding of masculinity. He says, We men can settle for being men, or we can strive to be human beings. Whats funny is that that statement essentially echoes the same hope I have for women: that we can start to see ourselves, and encourage men to see us, as more than just the sum of our sexual parts: not as virgins or whores, as mothers or girlfriends, or as existing only in relation to men, but as people with independent desires, hopes and abilities.

While boys are taught that the things that make them men--good men--are universally accepted ethical ideals, women are led to believe that our moral compass lies somewhere between our legs. Literally.

What’s the worst possible thing you can call a woman? Don’t hold back, now. You’re probably thinking of words like slut, whore, bitch, cunt (I told you not to hold back!), skank. Okay, now, what are the worst things you can call a guy? Fag, girl, bitch, pussy. I’ve even heard the term “mangina.” Notice anything? The worst thing you can call a girl is a girl. The worst thing you can call a guy is a girl. Being a woman is the ultimate insult. Now tell me that’s not royally fucked up.

I’ve always found the idea of saving your virginity intriguing: it’s not as if we’re packing our Saran-wrapped hymens away in the freezer, after all, or pasting them in scrapbooks. But packed-away virginities aside, the interesting — and dangerous — idea at play here is that of morality.” When young women are taught about morality, there’s not often talk of compassion, kindness, courage, or integrity. There is, however, a lot of talk about hymens (though the preferred words are undoubtedly more refined — think virginity and chastity): if we have them, when we’ll lose them, and under what circumstances we’ll be rid of them.

Be as pissed off as you want to be. Don’t hold back because you think it’s unladylike or some such nonsense. We shouldn’t be shamed out of our anger. We should be using it. Using it to make change in our own lives, and using it to make change in the lives around us. (I know, I’m cheesy.) So the next time someone calls you emotional, or asks if you’re PMSing, call them on their bullshit.