Quotes by Jennifer Brown

We drove on in silence, Dad shaking his head in disgust every few minutes. I stared at him, wondering how it was we got to this place. How the same man who held his infant daughter and kissed her tiny face could one day be so determined to shut her out of his life, out of his heart. How, even when she reacyhed out to him in distress - Please, Dad, come get me, come save me - all he could do was accuse her. How that same daughter could look at him and feel nothing but contempt and blame and resentment, because thats all that radiated off of him for so many years and it had become contagious.

Getting on with her life is important. But right now it may be more important to put the feelings out there, deal with them, and find a way to be okay with all thats happened.

His fingers gouged into my leg harder. My sister was in that cafeteria, he said. She saw her friends die, thanks to you and that puke boyfriend of yours. She still has nightmares about it. He got what he deserved, but you got a free pass. That aint right. You shouldve died that day, Sister Death. Everyone wishes you would have. Look around. Where is Jessica, if she wants you here so bad? Even the friends you came here with dont want to be with you.Let go of me, I said again, pulling on his fingers. But he only pinched tighter.Your boyfriend isnt the only one who can get his hands on a gun, he said. Slowly he eased himself up to standing again. He reached into the waistband of his jeans and pulled out something small and dark. He pointed it at me, and when the moonlight hit it, I gasped and pressed myself against the barn wall.

Sometimes, in my world where parents hated one another and school was a battleground, it sucked to be me.

Sometimes even stuff you expect to happen can still hurt

Because I love you. And I hurt you. I hurt the person I love most in the world, and i will never forgive myself.

Why shouldnt Mom trust me, Dad Why are you so determined to make me out to be the bad guy all the time? I stared at the side of his face, willing him to make eye contact. He didnt. Ive been doing really good late and you dont even care.Yet you still managed to get into trouble tonight, he said.You have no idea what happened tonight, I said, my voice ratcheting up a notch. All you know is that, because I was involved, Im somehow guilty of something. You could at least pretend to care, you know. You could at least try to understand.Dad gave a sardonic little laugh. Ill tell you what I understand, he said. I understand that when youre left to your own devices you get into trouble, thats what I understand. I understand I was trying to have a happy, restful evening with Briley and once again you screwed it up.

I couldnt make myself imagine Dad holding some creamy-faced baby, cooing at it, telling it he loved it. Taking it to baseball games. Living some life hed probably consider his real life, the one he deserved rather than the one he got.

At one time it really felt like forever might happen for us.

you can get past a mistake, but its much harder to get past being a cruel person.

Itd felt good to be part of an us, with the same thoughts, the same feelings, the same miseries.

Some days making it to the end of the day is quite the victory. -- Bea

“Times never up, she whispered, not looking at me, but at my canvas. Just like theres always time for pain, theres always time for healing. Of course there is.”

“Life isnt fair. A fairs a place where you eat corn dogs and ride the ferris wheel.”