The more I know of the world, the more I am convinced that I shall never see a man whom I can really love. I require so much!
To satisfy me, those characters must be united. I could
not be happy with a man whose taste did not in every point coincide
with my own. He must enter into all my feelings; the same books, the
same music must charm us both. Oh! mama, how spiritless, how tame was
Edward’s manner in reading to us last night! I felt for my sister most
severely. Yet she bore it with so much composure, she seemed scarcely
to notice it. I could hardly keep my seat. To hear those beautiful
lines which have frequently almost driven me wild, pronounced with such
impenetrable calmness, such dreadful indifference!”
“He would certainly have done more justice to simple and elegant prose.
I thought so at the time; but you _would_ give him Cowper.”
“Nay, Mama, if he is not to be animated by Cowper!—but we must allow
for difference of taste. Elinor has not my feelings, and therefore she
may overlook it, and be happy with him. But it would have broke _my_
heart, had I loved him, to hear him read with so little sensibility.
Mama, the more I know of the world, the more am I convinced that I
shall never see a man whom I can really love. I require so much! He
must have all Edward’s virtues, and his person and manners must
ornament his goodness with every possible charm.”
“Remember, my love, that you are not seventeen. It is yet too early in
life to despair of such a happiness. Why should you be less fortunate
than your mother? In one circumstance only, my Marianne, may your
destiny be different from hers!”
CHAPTER IV.
“What a pity it is, Elinor,” said Marianne, “that Edward should have no
taste for drawing.”
“No taste for drawing!” replied Elinor, “why should you think so? He
does not draw himself, indeed, but he has great pleasure in seeing the
performances of other people, and I assure you he is by no means
deficient in natural taste, though he has not had opportunities of
improving it. Had he ever been in the way of learning, I think he would
have drawn very well. He distrusts his own judgment in such matters so
much, that he is always unwilling to give his opinion on any picture;
but he has an innate propriety and simplicity of taste, which in
general direct him perfectly right.
I cannot fix on the hour, or the spot, or the look or the words, which laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun.
But the morrow
passed off much better than she expected; for Mrs. Bennet luckily stood
in such awe of her intended son-in-law, that she ventured not to speak
to him, unless it was in her power to offer him any attention, or mark
her deference for his opinion.
Elizabeth had the satisfaction of seeing her father taking pains to get
acquainted with him; and Mr. Bennet soon assured her that he was rising
every hour in his esteem.
“I admire all my three sons-in-law highly,” said he. “Wickham, perhaps,
is my favourite; but I think I shall like _your_ husband quite as well
as Jane’s.”
[Illustration:
“The obsequious civility.”
[_Copyright 1894 by George Allen._]]
CHAPTER LX.
[Illustration]
Elizabeth’s spirits soon rising to playfulness again, she wanted Mr.
Darcy to account for his having ever fallen in love with her. “How could
you begin?” said she. “I can comprehend your going on charmingly, when
you had once made a beginning; but what could set you off in the first
place?”
“I cannot fix on the hour, or the spot, or the look, or the words, which
laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I
knew that I _had_ begun.”
“My beauty you had early withstood, and as for my manners--my behaviour
to _you_ was at least always bordering on the uncivil, and I never spoke
to you without rather wishing to give you pain than not. Now, be
sincere; did you admire me for my impertinence?”
“For the liveliness of your mind I did.”
“You may as well call it impertinence at once. It was very little less.
The fact is, that you were sick of civility, of deference, of officious
attention. You were disgusted with the women who were always speaking,
and looking, and thinking for _your_ approbation alone. I roused and
interested you, because I was so unlike _them_. Had you not been really
amiable you would have hated me for it: but in spite of the pains you
took to disguise yourself, your feelings were always noble and just; and
in your heart you thoroughly despised the persons who so assiduously
courted you. There--I have saved you the trouble of accounting for it;
and really, all things considered, I begin to think it perfectly
reasonable.
If I could but know his heart, everything would become easy.
Marianne pressed her hand and replied,—
“You are very good.—The future must be my proof. I have laid down my
plan, and if I am capable of adhering to it—my feelings shall be
governed and my temper improved. They shall no longer worry others, nor
torture myself. I shall now live solely for my family. You, my mother,
and Margaret, must henceforth be all the world to me; you will share my
affections entirely between you. From you, from my home, I shall never
again have the smallest incitement to move; and if I do mix in other
society, it will be only to show that my spirit is humbled, my heart
amended, and that I can practise the civilities, the lesser duties of
life, with gentleness and forbearance. As for Willoughby—to say that I
shall soon or that I shall ever forget him, would be idle. His
remembrance can be overcome by no change of circumstances or opinions.
But it shall be regulated, it shall be checked by religion, by reason,
by constant employment.”
She paused—and added in a low voice, “If I could but know _his_ heart,
everything would become easy.”
Elinor, who had now been for some time reflecting on the propriety or
impropriety of speedily hazarding her narration, without feeling at all
nearer decision than at first, heard this; and perceiving that as
reflection did nothing, resolution must do all, soon found herself
leading to the fact.
She managed the recital, as she hoped, with address; prepared her
anxious listener with caution; related simply and honestly the chief
points on which Willoughby grounded his apology; did justice to his
repentance, and softened only his protestations of present regard.
Marianne said not a word.—She trembled, her eyes were fixed on the
ground, and her lips became whiter than even sickness had left them. A
thousand inquiries sprung up from her heart, but she dared not urge
one. She caught every syllable with panting eagerness; her hand,
unknowingly to herself, closely pressed her sister’s, and tears covered
her cheeks.
Elinor, dreading her being tired, led her towards home; and till they
reached the door of the cottage, easily conjecturing what her curiosity
must be though no question was suffered to speak it, talked of nothing
but Willoughby, and their conversation together; and was carefully
minute in every particular of speech and look, where minuteness could
be safely indulged.
There could have been no two hearts so open, no tastes so similar, no feelings so in unison
His profession qualified him, his
disposition lead him, to talk; and “_That_ was in the year six;”
“_That_ happened before I went to sea in the year six,” occurred in the
course of the first evening they spent together: and though his voice
did not falter, and though she had no reason to suppose his eye
wandering towards her while he spoke, Anne felt the utter
impossibility, from her knowledge of his mind, that he could be
unvisited by remembrance any more than herself. There must be the same
immediate association of thought, though she was very far from
conceiving it to be of equal pain.
They had no conversation together, no intercourse but what the
commonest civility required. Once so much to each other! Now nothing!
There _had_ been a time, when of all the large party now filling the
drawing-room at Uppercross, they would have found it most difficult to
cease to speak to one another. With the exception, perhaps, of Admiral
and Mrs Croft, who seemed particularly attached and happy, (Anne could
allow no other exceptions even among the married couples), there could
have been no two hearts so open, no tastes so similar, no feelings so
in unison, no countenances so beloved. Now they were as strangers; nay,
worse than strangers, for they could never become acquainted. It was a
perpetual estrangement.
When he talked, she heard the same voice, and discerned the same mind.
There was a very general ignorance of all naval matters throughout the
party; and he was very much questioned, and especially by the two Miss
Musgroves, who seemed hardly to have any eyes but for him, as to the
manner of living on board, daily regulations, food, hours, &c., and
their surprise at his accounts, at learning the degree of accommodation
and arrangement which was practicable, drew from him some pleasant
ridicule, which reminded Anne of the early days when she too had been
ignorant, and she too had been accused of supposing sailors to be
living on board without anything to eat, or any cook to dress it if
there were, or any servant to wait, or any knife and fork to use.
From thus listening and thinking, she was roused by a whisper of Mrs
Musgrove’s who, overcome by fond regrets, could not help saying—
“Ah!
Oh, Lizzy! do anything rather than marry without affection.
“Oh, Lizzy! it cannot be. I know how much
you dislike him.”
“You know nothing of the matter. _That_ is all to be forgot. Perhaps I
did not always love him so well as I do now; but in such cases as these
a good memory is unpardonable. This is the last time I shall ever
remember it myself.”
Miss Bennet still looked all amazement. Elizabeth again, and more
seriously, assured her of its truth.
“Good heaven! can it be really so? Yet now I must believe you,” cried
Jane. “My dear, dear Lizzy, I would, I do congratulate you; but are you
certain--forgive the question--are you quite certain that you can be
happy with him?”
“There can be no doubt of that. It is settled between us already that we
are to be the happiest couple in the world. But are you pleased, Jane?
Shall you like to have such a brother?”
“Very, very much. Nothing could give either Bingley or myself more
delight. But we considered it, we talked of it as impossible. And do you
really love him quite well enough? Oh, Lizzy! do anything rather than
marry without affection. Are you quite sure that you feel what you ought
to do?”
“Oh, yes! You will only think I feel _more_ than I ought to do when I
tell you all.”
“What do you mean?”
“Why, I must confess that I love him better than I do Bingley. I am
afraid you will be angry.”
“My dearest sister, now be, _be_ serious. I want to talk very seriously.
Let me know everything that I am to know without delay. Will you tell me
how long you have loved him?”
“It has been coming on so gradually, that I hardly know when it began;
but I believe I must date it from my first seeing his beautiful grounds
at Pemberley.”
Another entreaty that she would be serious, however, produced the
desired effect; and she soon satisfied Jane by her solemn assurances of
attachment. When convinced on that article, Miss Bennet had nothing
further to wish.
“Now I am quite happy,” said she, “for you will be as happy as myself. I
always had a value for him. Were it for nothing but his love of you, I
must always have esteemed him; but now, as Bingley’s friend and your
husband, there can be only Bingley and yourself more dear to me.
I do not think I ever opened a book in my life which had not something to say upon womans inconstancy. Songs and proverbs, all talk of womans fickleness. But perhaps you will say, these were all written by men.Perhaps I shall. Yes, yes, if you please, no reference to examples in books. Men have had every advantage of us in telling their own story. Education has been theirs in so much higher a degree; the pen has been in their hands. I will not allow books to prove anything.
”
“We shall never agree upon this question,” Captain Harville was
beginning to say, when a slight noise called their attention to Captain
Wentworth’s hitherto perfectly quiet division of the room. It was
nothing more than that his pen had fallen down; but Anne was startled
at finding him nearer than she had supposed, and half inclined to
suspect that the pen had only fallen because he had been occupied by
them, striving to catch sounds, which yet she did not think he could
have caught.
“Have you finished your letter?” said Captain Harville.
“Not quite, a few lines more. I shall have done in five minutes.”
“There is no hurry on my side. I am only ready whenever you are. I am
in very good anchorage here,” (smiling at Anne), “well supplied, and
want for nothing. No hurry for a signal at all. Well, Miss Elliot,”
(lowering his voice), “as I was saying, we shall never agree, I suppose,
upon this point. No man and woman would, probably. But let me observe
that all histories are against you—all stories, prose and verse. If I
had such a memory as Benwick, I could bring you fifty quotations in a
moment on my side the argument, and I do not think I ever opened a book
in my life which had not something to say upon woman’s inconstancy.
Songs and proverbs, all talk of woman’s fickleness. But perhaps you
will say, these were all written by men.”
“Perhaps I shall. Yes, yes, if you please, no reference to examples in
books. Men have had every advantage of us in telling their own story.
Education has been theirs in so much higher a degree; the pen has been
in their hands. I will not allow books to prove anything.”
“But how shall we prove anything?”
“We never shall. We never can expect to prove any thing upon such a
point. It is a difference of opinion which does not admit of proof. We
each begin, probably, with a little bias towards our own sex; and upon
that bias build every circumstance in favour of it which has occurred
within our own circle; many of which circumstances (perhaps those very
cases which strike us the most) may be precisely such as cannot be
brought forward without betraying a confidence, or in some respect
saying what should not be said.”
“Ah!” cried Captain Harville, in a tone of strong feeling, “if I could
but make you comprehend what a man suffers when he takes a last look at
his wife and children, and watches the boat that he has sent them off
in, as long as it is in sight, and then turns away and says, ‘God knows
whether we ever meet again!’ And then, if I could convey to you the
glow of his soul when he does see them again; when, coming back after a
twelvemonth’s absence, perhaps, and obliged to put into another port,
he calculates how soon it be possible to get them there, pretending to
deceive himself, and saying, ‘They cannot be here till such a day,’ but
all the while hoping for them twelve hours sooner, and seeing them
arrive at last, as if Heaven had given them wings, by many hours sooner
still!
She is tolerable, but not handsome enough to tempt me, and I am in no humor at present to give consequence to young ladies who are slighted by other men.
You know how I detest it, unless I am
particularly acquainted with my partner. At such an assembly as this, it
would be insupportable. Your sisters are engaged, and there is not
another woman in the room whom it would not be a punishment to me to
stand up with.”
“I would not be so fastidious as you are,” cried Bingley, “for a
kingdom! Upon my honour, I never met with so many pleasant girls in my
life as I have this evening; and there are several of them, you see,
uncommonly pretty.”
“_You_ are dancing with the only handsome girl in the room,” said Mr.
Darcy, looking at the eldest Miss Bennet.
“Oh, she is the most beautiful creature I ever beheld! But there is one
of her sisters sitting down just behind you, who is very pretty, and I
dare say very agreeable. Do let me ask my partner to introduce you.”
[Illustration:
“She is tolerable”
[_Copyright 1894 by George Allen._]]
“Which do you mean?” and turning round, he looked for a moment at
Elizabeth, till, catching her eye, he withdrew his own, and coldly said,
“She is tolerable: but not handsome enough to tempt _me_; and I am in no
humour at present to give consequence to young ladies who are slighted
by other men. You had better return to your partner and enjoy her
smiles, for you are wasting your time with me.”
Mr. Bingley followed his advice. Mr. Darcy walked off; and Elizabeth
remained with no very cordial feelings towards him. She told the story,
however, with great spirit among her friends; for she had a lively,
playful disposition, which delighted in anything ridiculous.
The evening altogether passed off pleasantly to the whole family. Mrs.
Bennet had seen her eldest daughter much admired by the Netherfield
party. Mr. Bingley had danced with her twice, and she had been
distinguished by his sisters. Jane was as much gratified by this as her
mother could be, though in a quieter way. Elizabeth felt Jane’s
pleasure. Mary had heard herself mentioned to Miss Bingley as the most
accomplished girl in the neighbourhood; and Catherine and Lydia had been
fortunate enough to be never without partners, which was all that they
had yet learnt to care for at a ball. They returned, therefore, in good
spirits to Longbourn, the village where they lived, and of which they
were the principal inhabitants.
There is no charm equal to tenderness of heart.
They are very important—and sorry I am that you cannot feel them
sufficiently to act upon them. My being saved from pain is a very
secondary consideration. I want you to save yourself from greater pain.
Perhaps I may sometimes have felt that Harriet would not forget what
was due—or rather what would be kind by me.”
This appeal to her affections did more than all the rest. The idea of
wanting gratitude and consideration for Miss Woodhouse, whom she really
loved extremely, made her wretched for a while, and when the violence
of grief was comforted away, still remained powerful enough to prompt
to what was right and support her in it very tolerably.
“You, who have been the best friend I ever had in my life—Want
gratitude to you!—Nobody is equal to you!—I care for nobody as I do for
you!—Oh! Miss Woodhouse, how ungrateful I have been!”
Such expressions, assisted as they were by every thing that look and
manner could do, made Emma feel that she had never loved Harriet so
well, nor valued her affection so highly before.
“There is no charm equal to tenderness of heart,” said she afterwards
to herself. “There is nothing to be compared to it. Warmth and
tenderness of heart, with an affectionate, open manner, will beat all
the clearness of head in the world, for attraction, I am sure it will.
It is tenderness of heart which makes my dear father so generally
beloved—which gives Isabella all her popularity.—I have it not—but I
know how to prize and respect it.—Harriet is my superior in all the
charm and all the felicity it gives. Dear Harriet!—I would not change
you for the clearest-headed, longest-sighted, best-judging female
breathing. Oh! the coldness of a Jane Fairfax!—Harriet is worth a
hundred such—And for a wife—a sensible man’s wife—it is invaluable. I
mention no names; but happy the man who changes Emma for Harriet!”
CHAPTER XIV
Mrs. Elton was first seen at church: but though devotion might be
interrupted, curiosity could not be satisfied by a bride in a pew, and
it must be left for the visits in form which were then to be paid, to
settle whether she were very pretty indeed, or only rather pretty, or
not pretty at all.
Had I been in love, I could not have been more wretchedly blind. But vanity, not love, has been my folly.
Bingley, when questioned by Jane, had long ago
asserted his blamelessness in the affair;--that, proud and repulsive as
were his manners, she had never, in the whole course of their
acquaintance--an acquaintance which had latterly brought them much
together, and given her a sort of intimacy with his ways--seen anything
that betrayed him to be unprincipled or unjust--anything that spoke him
of irreligious or immoral habits;--that among his own connections he was
esteemed and valued;--that even Wickham had allowed him merit as a
brother, and that she had often heard him speak so affectionately of his
sister as to prove him capable of some amiable feeling;--that had his
actions been what Wickham represented them, so gross a violation of
everything right could hardly have been concealed from the world; and
that friendship between a person capable of it and such an amiable man
as Mr. Bingley was incomprehensible.
She grew absolutely ashamed of herself. Of neither Darcy nor Wickham
could she think, without feeling that she had been blind, partial,
prejudiced, absurd.
“How despicably have I acted!” she cried. “I, who have prided myself on
my discernment! I, who have valued myself on my abilities! who have
often disdained the generous candour of my sister, and gratified my
vanity in useless or blameless distrust. How humiliating is this
discovery! Yet, how just a humiliation! Had I been in love, I could not
have been more wretchedly blind. But vanity, not love, has been my
folly. Pleased with the preference of one, and offended by the neglect
of the other, on the very beginning of our acquaintance, I have courted
prepossession and ignorance, and driven reason away where either were
concerned. Till this moment, I never knew myself.”
From herself to Jane, from Jane to Bingley, her thoughts were in a line
which soon brought to her recollection that Mr. Darcy’s explanation
_there_ had appeared very insufficient; and she read it again. Widely
different was the effect of a second perusal. How could she deny that
credit to his assertions, in one instance, which she had been obliged to
give in the other? He declared himself to have been totally unsuspicious
of her sister’s attachment; and she could not help remembering what
Charlotte’s opinion had always been. Neither could she deny the justice
of his description of Jane. She felt that Jane’s feelings, though
fervent, were little displayed, and that there was a constant
complacency in her air and manner, not often united with great
sensibility.
They were within twenty yards of each other, and so abrupt was his appearance, that it was impossible to avoid his sight. Their eyes instantly met, and the cheeks of each were overspread with the deepest blush. He absolutely started, and for a moment seemed immoveable from surprise; but shortly recovering himself, advanced towards the party, and spoke to Elizabeth, if not in terms of perfect composure, at least of perfect civility.
As a brother, a landlord, a master, she
considered how many people’s happiness were in his guardianship! How
much of pleasure or pain it was in his power to bestow! How much of good
or evil must be done by him! Every idea that had been brought forward by
the housekeeper was favourable to his character; and as she stood before
the canvas, on which he was represented, and fixed his eyes upon
herself, she thought of his regard with a deeper sentiment of gratitude
than it had ever raised before: she remembered its warmth, and softened
its impropriety of expression.
When all of the house that was open to general inspection had been seen,
they returned down stairs; and, taking leave of the housekeeper, were
consigned over to the gardener, who met them at the hall door.
As they walked across the lawn towards the river, Elizabeth turned back
to look again; her uncle and aunt stopped also; and while the former was
conjecturing as to the date of the building, the owner of it himself
suddenly came forward from the road which led behind it to the stables.
They were within twenty yards of each other; and so abrupt was his
appearance, that it was impossible to avoid his sight. Their eyes
instantly met, and the cheeks of each were overspread with the deepest
blush. He absolutely started, and for a moment seemed immovable from
surprise; but shortly recovering himself, advanced towards the party,
and spoke to Elizabeth, if not in terms of perfect composure, at least
of perfect civility.
She had instinctively turned away; but stopping on his approach,
received his compliments with an embarrassment impossible to be
overcome. Had his first appearance, or his resemblance to the picture
they had just been examining, been insufficient to assure the other two
that they now saw Mr. Darcy, the gardener’s expression of surprise, on
beholding his master, must immediately have told it. They stood a little
aloof while he was talking to their niece, who, astonished and confused,
scarcely dared lift her eyes to his face, and knew not what answer she
returned to his civil inquiries after her family. Amazed at the
alteration of his manner since they last parted, every sentence that he
uttered was increasing her embarrassment; and every idea of the
impropriety of her being found there recurring to her mind, the few
minutes in which they continued together were some of the most
uncomfortable of her life. Nor did he seem much more at ease; when he
spoke, his accent had none of its usual sedateness; and he repeated his
inquiries as to the time of her having left Longbourn, and of her stay
in Derbyshire, so often, and in so hurried a way, as plainly spoke the
distraction of his thoughts.
No man is offended by another mans admiration of the woman he loves it is the woman only who can make it a torment.
The longer
he stays, the worse it will be for him at last. Pray advise him for his
own sake, and for everybody’s sake, to leave Bath directly. Absence
will in time make him comfortable again; but he can have no hope here,
and it is only staying to be miserable.”
Henry smiled and said, “I am sure my brother would not wish to do
that.”
“Then you will persuade him to go away?”
“Persuasion is not at command; but pardon me, if I cannot even
endeavour to persuade him. I have myself told him that Miss Thorpe is
engaged. He knows what he is about, and must be his own master.”
“No, he does not know what he is about,” cried Catherine; “he does not
know the pain he is giving my brother. Not that James has ever told me
so, but I am sure he is very uncomfortable.”
“And are you sure it is my brother’s doing?”
“Yes, very sure.”
“Is it my brother’s attentions to Miss Thorpe, or Miss Thorpe’s
admission of them, that gives the pain?”
“Is not it the same thing?”
“I think Mr. Morland would acknowledge a difference. No man is offended
by another man’s admiration of the woman he loves; it is the woman only
who can make it a torment.”
Catherine blushed for her friend, and said, “Isabella is wrong. But I
am sure she cannot mean to torment, for she is very much attached to my
brother. She has been in love with him ever since they first met, and
while my father’s consent was uncertain, she fretted herself almost
into a fever. You know she must be attached to him.”
“I understand: she is in love with James, and flirts with Frederick.”
“Oh no, not flirts. A woman in love with one man cannot flirt with
another.”
“It is probable that she will neither love so well, nor flirt so well,
as she might do either singly. The gentlemen must each give up a
little.”
After a short pause, Catherine resumed with, “Then you do not believe
Isabella so very much attached to my brother?”
“I can have no opinion on that subject.”
“But what can your brother mean? If he knows her engagement, what can
he mean by his behaviour?”
“You are a very close questioner.”
“Am I? I only ask what I want to be told.”
“But do you only ask what I can be expected to tell?
To wish was to hope, and to hope was to expect
His abilities in every
respect improve as much upon acquaintance as his manners and person. At
first sight, his address is certainly not striking; and his person can
hardly be called handsome, till the expression of his eyes, which are
uncommonly good, and the general sweetness of his countenance, is
perceived. At present, I know him so well, that I think him really
handsome; or at least, almost so. What say you, Marianne?”
“I shall very soon think him handsome, Elinor, if I do not now. When
you tell me to love him as a brother, I shall no more see imperfection
in his face, than I now do in his heart.”
Elinor started at this declaration, and was sorry for the warmth she
had been betrayed into, in speaking of him. She felt that Edward stood
very high in her opinion. She believed the regard to be mutual; but she
required greater certainty of it to make Marianne’s conviction of their
attachment agreeable to her. She knew that what Marianne and her mother
conjectured one moment, they believed the next—that with them, to wish
was to hope, and to hope was to expect. She tried to explain the real
state of the case to her sister.
“I do not attempt to deny,” said she, “that I think very highly of
him—that I greatly esteem, that I like him.”
Marianne here burst forth with indignation—
“Esteem him! Like him! Cold-hearted Elinor! Oh! worse than
cold-hearted! Ashamed of being otherwise. Use those words again, and I
will leave the room this moment.”
Elinor could not help laughing. “Excuse me,” said she; “and be assured
that I meant no offence to you, by speaking, in so quiet a way, of my
own feelings. Believe them to be stronger than I have declared; believe
them, in short, to be such as his merit, and the suspicion—the hope of
his affection for me may warrant, without imprudence or folly. But
farther than this you must _not_ believe. I am by no means assured of
his regard for me. There are moments when the extent of it seems
doubtful; and till his sentiments are fully known, you cannot wonder at
my wishing to avoid any encouragement of my own partiality, by
believing or calling it more than it is.
You are mistaken, Mr. Darcy, if you suppose that the mode of your declaration affected me in any other way, than as it spared the concern which I might have felt in refusing you, had you behaved in a more gentlemanlike manner. (Elizabeth Bennett)
I
thank you for explaining it so fully. My faults, according to this
calculation, are heavy indeed! But, perhaps,” added he, stopping in his
walk, and turning towards her, “these offences might have been
overlooked, had not your pride been hurt by my honest confession of the
scruples that had long prevented my forming any serious design. These
bitter accusations might have been suppressed, had I, with greater
policy, concealed my struggles, and flattered you into the belief of my
being impelled by unqualified, unalloyed inclination; by reason, by
reflection, by everything. But disguise of every sort is my abhorrence.
Nor am I ashamed of the feelings I related. They were natural and just.
Could you expect me to rejoice in the inferiority of your
connections?--to congratulate myself on the hope of relations whose
condition in life is so decidedly beneath my own?”
Elizabeth felt herself growing more angry every moment; yet she tried to
the utmost to speak with composure when she said,--
“You are mistaken, Mr. Darcy, if you suppose that the mode of your
declaration affected me in any other way than as it spared me the
concern which I might have felt in refusing you, had you behaved in a
more gentlemanlike manner.”
She saw him start at this; but he said nothing, and she continued,--
“You could not have made me the offer of your hand in any possible way
that would have tempted me to accept it.”
Again his astonishment was obvious; and he looked at her with an
expression of mingled incredulity and mortification. She went on,--
“From the very beginning, from the first moment, I may almost say, of my
acquaintance with you, your manners impressing me with the fullest
belief of your arrogance, your conceit, and your selfish disdain of the
feelings of others, were such as to form that groundwork of
disapprobation, on which succeeding events have built so immovable a
dislike; and I had not known you a month before I felt that you were the
last man in the world whom I could ever be prevailed on to marry.”
“You have said quite enough, madam. I perfectly comprehend your
feelings, and have now only to be ashamed of what my own have been.
Forgive me for having taken up so much of your time, and accept my best
wishes for your health and happiness.
Dare not say that man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an earlier death.
The revolution which one instant had made in Anne, was almost beyond
expression. The letter, with a direction hardly legible, to “Miss A.
E.—,” was evidently the one which he had been folding so hastily. While
supposed to be writing only to Captain Benwick, he had been also
addressing her! On the contents of that letter depended all which this
world could do for her. Anything was possible, anything might be defied
rather than suspense. Mrs Musgrove had little arrangements of her own
at her own table; to their protection she must trust, and sinking into
the chair which he had occupied, succeeding to the very spot where he
had leaned and written, her eyes devoured the following words:
“I can listen no longer in silence. I must speak to you by such means
as are within my reach. You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope.
Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone
for ever. I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own
than when you almost broke it, eight years and a half ago. Dare not say
that man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an earlier death.
I have loved none but you. Unjust I may have been, weak and resentful I
have been, but never inconstant. You alone have brought me to Bath. For
you alone, I think and plan. Have you not seen this? Can you fail to
have understood my wishes? I had not waited even these ten days, could
I have read your feelings, as I think you must have penetrated mine. I
can hardly write. I am every instant hearing something which overpowers
me. You sink your voice, but I can distinguish the tones of that voice
when they would be lost on others. Too good, too excellent creature!
You do us justice, indeed. You do believe that there is true attachment
and constancy among men. Believe it to be most fervent, most
undeviating, in
F. W.
“I must go, uncertain of my fate; but I shall return hither, or follow
your party, as soon as possible. A word, a look, will be enough to
decide whether I enter your father’s house this evening or never.”
Such a letter was not to be soon recovered from.
Elizabeths spirits soon rising to playfulness again, she wanted Mr. Darcy to account for his having ever fallen in love with her. How could you begin? said she. begun.
Darcy is particularly fond
of, that I may have it to-morrow.”
This was a sad omen of what her mother’s behaviour to the gentleman
himself might be; and Elizabeth found that, though in the certain
possession of his warmest affection, and secure of her relations’
consent, there was still something to be wished for. But the morrow
passed off much better than she expected; for Mrs. Bennet luckily stood
in such awe of her intended son-in-law, that she ventured not to speak
to him, unless it was in her power to offer him any attention, or mark
her deference for his opinion.
Elizabeth had the satisfaction of seeing her father taking pains to get
acquainted with him; and Mr. Bennet soon assured her that he was rising
every hour in his esteem.
“I admire all my three sons-in-law highly,” said he. “Wickham, perhaps,
is my favourite; but I think I shall like _your_ husband quite as well
as Jane’s.”
[Illustration:
“The obsequious civility.”
[_Copyright 1894 by George Allen._]]
CHAPTER LX.
[Illustration]
Elizabeth’s spirits soon rising to playfulness again, she wanted Mr.
Darcy to account for his having ever fallen in love with her. “How could
you begin?” said she. “I can comprehend your going on charmingly, when
you had once made a beginning; but what could set you off in the first
place?”
“I cannot fix on the hour, or the spot, or the look, or the words, which
laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I
knew that I _had_ begun.”
“My beauty you had early withstood, and as for my manners--my behaviour
to _you_ was at least always bordering on the uncivil, and I never spoke
to you without rather wishing to give you pain than not. Now, be
sincere; did you admire me for my impertinence?”
“For the liveliness of your mind I did.”
“You may as well call it impertinence at once. It was very little less.
The fact is, that you were sick of civility, of deference, of officious
attention. You were disgusted with the women who were always speaking,
and looking, and thinking for _your_ approbation alone. I roused and
interested you, because I was so unlike _them_. Had you not been really
amiable you would have hated me for it: but in spite of the pains you
took to disguise yourself, your feelings were always noble and just; and
in your heart you thoroughly despised the persons who so assiduously
courted you.
Is not general incivility the very essence of love?
”
[Illustration:
“Offended two or three young ladies”
[_Copyright 1894 by George Allen._]]
“An excellent consolation in its way,” said Elizabeth; “but it will not
do for _us_. We do not suffer by accident. It does not often happen
that the interference of friends will persuade a young man of
independent fortune to think no more of a girl whom he was violently in
love with only a few days before.”
“But that expression of ‘violently in love’ is so hackneyed, so
doubtful, so indefinite, that it gives me very little idea. It is as
often applied to feelings which arise only from a half hour’s
acquaintance, as to a real, strong attachment. Pray, how _violent was_
Mr. Bingley’s love?”
“I never saw a more promising inclination; he was growing quite
inattentive to other people, and wholly engrossed by her. Every time
they met, it was more decided and remarkable. At his own ball he
offended two or three young ladies by not asking them to dance; and I
spoke to him twice myself without receiving an answer. Could there be
finer symptoms? Is not general incivility the very essence of love?”
“Oh, yes! of that kind of love which I suppose him to have felt. Poor
Jane! I am sorry for her, because, with her disposition, she may not get
over it immediately. It had better have happened to _you_, Lizzy; you
would have laughed yourself out of it sooner. But do you think she would
be prevailed on to go back with us? Change of scene might be of
service--and perhaps a little relief from home may be as useful as
anything.”
Elizabeth was exceedingly pleased with this proposal, and felt persuaded
of her sister’s ready acquiescence.
“I hope,” added Mrs. Gardiner, “that no consideration with regard to
this young man will influence her. We live in so different a part of
town, all our connections are so different, and, as you well know, we go
out so little, that it is very improbable they should meet at all,
unless he really comes to see her.”
“And _that_ is quite impossible; for he is now in the custody of his
friend, and Mr. Darcy would no more suffer him to call on Jane in such a
part of London!
One half of the world cannot understand the pleasures of the other.
They will
come and stand by my chair, and say, ‘Grandpapa, can you give me a bit
of string?’ and once Henry asked me for a knife, but I told him knives
were only made for grandpapas. I think their father is too rough with
them very often.”
“He appears rough to you,” said Emma, “because you are so very gentle
yourself; but if you could compare him with other papas, you would not
think him rough. He wishes his boys to be active and hardy; and if they
misbehave, can give them a sharp word now and then; but he is an
affectionate father—certainly Mr. John Knightley is an affectionate
father. The children are all fond of him.”
“And then their uncle comes in, and tosses them up to the ceiling in a
very frightful way!”
“But they like it, papa; there is nothing they like so much. It is such
enjoyment to them, that if their uncle did not lay down the rule of
their taking turns, whichever began would never give way to the other.”
“Well, I cannot understand it.”
“That is the case with us all, papa. One half of the world cannot
understand the pleasures of the other.”
Later in the morning, and just as the girls were going to separate in
preparation for the regular four o’clock dinner, the hero of this
inimitable charade walked in again. Harriet turned away; but Emma could
receive him with the usual smile, and her quick eye soon discerned in
his the consciousness of having made a push—of having thrown a die; and
she imagined he was come to see how it might turn up. His ostensible
reason, however, was to ask whether Mr. Woodhouse’s party could be made
up in the evening without him, or whether he should be in the smallest
degree necessary at Hartfield. If he were, every thing else must give
way; but otherwise his friend Cole had been saying so much about his
dining with him—had made such a point of it, that he had promised him
conditionally to come.
Emma thanked him, but could not allow of his disappointing his friend
on their account; her father was sure of his rubber. He re-urged—she
re-declined; and he seemed then about to make his bow, when taking the
paper from the table, she returned it—
“Oh!
How quick come the reasons for approving what we like.
The undesirableness of any other house in the same neighbourhood for
Sir Walter was certainly much strengthened by one part, and a very
material part of the scheme, which had been happily engrafted on the
beginning. He was not only to quit his home, but to see it in the hands
of others; a trial of fortitude, which stronger heads than Sir Walter’s
have found too much. Kellynch Hall was to be let. This, however, was a
profound secret, not to be breathed beyond their own circle.
Sir Walter could not have borne the degradation of being known to
design letting his house. Mr Shepherd had once mentioned the word
“advertise,” but never dared approach it again. Sir Walter spurned the
idea of its being offered in any manner; forbad the slightest hint
being dropped of his having such an intention; and it was only on the
supposition of his being spontaneously solicited by some most
unexceptionable applicant, on his own terms, and as a great favour,
that he would let it at all.
How quick come the reasons for approving what we like! Lady Russell had
another excellent one at hand, for being extremely glad that Sir Walter
and his family were to remove from the country. Elizabeth had been
lately forming an intimacy, which she wished to see interrupted. It was
with the daughter of Mr Shepherd, who had returned, after an
unprosperous marriage, to her father’s house, with the additional
burden of two children. She was a clever young woman, who understood
the art of pleasing—the art of pleasing, at least, at Kellynch Hall;
and who had made herself so acceptable to Miss Elliot, as to have been
already staying there more than once, in spite of all that Lady
Russell, who thought it a friendship quite out of place, could hint of
caution and reserve.
Lady Russell, indeed, had scarcely any influence with Elizabeth, and
seemed to love her, rather because she would love her, than because
Elizabeth deserved it. She had never received from her more than
outward attention, nothing beyond the observances of complaisance; had
never succeeded in any point which she wanted to carry, against
previous inclination.
Without music, life would be a blank to me.
when he was speaking of my future home,
and expressing his fears lest the retirement of it should be
disagreeable; and the inferiority of the house too—knowing what I had
been accustomed to—of course he was not wholly without apprehension.
When he was speaking of it in that way, I honestly said that _the_
_world_ I could give up—parties, balls, plays—for I had no fear of
retirement. Blessed with so many resources within myself, the world was
not necessary to _me_. I could do very well without it. To those who
had no resources it was a different thing; but my resources made me
quite independent. And as to smaller-sized rooms than I had been used
to, I really could not give it a thought. I hoped I was perfectly equal
to any sacrifice of that description. Certainly I had been accustomed
to every luxury at Maple Grove; but I did assure him that two carriages
were not necessary to my happiness, nor were spacious apartments.
‘But,’ said I, ‘to be quite honest, I do not think I can live without
something of a musical society. I condition for nothing else; but
without music, life would be a blank to me.’”
“We cannot suppose,” said Emma, smiling, “that Mr. Elton would hesitate
to assure you of there being a _very_ musical society in Highbury; and
I hope you will not find he has outstepped the truth more than may be
pardoned, in consideration of the motive.”
“No, indeed, I have no doubts at all on that head. I am delighted to
find myself in such a circle. I hope we shall have many sweet little
concerts together. I think, Miss Woodhouse, you and I must establish a
musical club, and have regular weekly meetings at your house, or ours.
Will not it be a good plan? If _we_ exert ourselves, I think we shall
not be long in want of allies. Something of that nature would be
particularly desirable for _me_, as an inducement to keep me in
practice; for married women, you know—there is a sad story against
them, in general. They are but too apt to give up music.”
“But you, who are so extremely fond of it—there can be no danger,
surely?”
“I should hope not; but really when I look around among my
acquaintance, I tremble.
...when pain is over, the remembrance of it often becomes a pleasure.
It was impossible for her to enter on such a subject; and yet,
after a pause, feeling the necessity of speaking, and having not the
smallest wish for a total change, she only deviated so far as to say—
“You were a good while at Lyme, I think?”
“About a fortnight. I could not leave it till Louisa’s doing well was
quite ascertained. I had been too deeply concerned in the mischief to
be soon at peace. It had been my doing, solely mine. She would not have
been obstinate if I had not been weak. The country round Lyme is very
fine. I walked and rode a great deal; and the more I saw, the more I
found to admire.”
“I should very much like to see Lyme again,” said Anne.
“Indeed! I should not have supposed that you could have found anything
in Lyme to inspire such a feeling. The horror and distress you were
involved in, the stretch of mind, the wear of spirits! I should have
thought your last impressions of Lyme must have been strong disgust.”
“The last hours were certainly very painful,” replied Anne; “but when
pain is over, the remembrance of it often becomes a pleasure. One does
not love a place the less for having suffered in it, unless it has been
all suffering, nothing but suffering, which was by no means the case at
Lyme. We were only in anxiety and distress during the last two hours,
and previously there had been a great deal of enjoyment. So much
novelty and beauty! I have travelled so little, that every fresh place
would be interesting to me; but there is real beauty at Lyme; and in
short” (with a faint blush at some recollections), “altogether my
impressions of the place are very agreeable.”
As she ceased, the entrance door opened again, and the very party
appeared for whom they were waiting. “Lady Dalrymple, Lady Dalrymple,”
was the rejoicing sound; and with all the eagerness compatible with
anxious elegance, Sir Walter and his two ladies stepped forward to meet
her. Lady Dalrymple and Miss Carteret, escorted by Mr Elliot and
Colonel Wallis, who had happened to arrive nearly at the same instant,
advanced into the room. The others joined them, and it was a group in
which Anne found herself also necessarily included.