Quotes by Ilona Andrews

He’d spent the night in the boat. Next to the spaghetti queen.William glanced at the hobo girl. She sat across from him, huddled in a clump. Her stench had gotten worse overnight, probably from the dampness. Another night like the last one, and he might snap and dunk her into that river just to clear the air.She saw him looking. Dark eyes regarded him with slight scorn.William leaned forward and pointed at the river. “I don’t know why you rolled in spaghetti sauce,” he said in a confidential voice. “I don’t really care. But that water over there won’t hurt you. Try washing it off.”She stuck her tongue out.“Maybe after you’re clean,” he said.Her eyes widened. She stared at him for a long moment. A little crazy spark lit up in her dark irises. She raised her finger, licked it, and rubbed some dirt off her forehead.Now what?The girl showed him her stained finger and reached toward him slowly, aiming for his face.“No,” William said. “Bad hobo.”The finger kept coming closer.

She surveyed the carnage behind him. Did you have fun?He showed her his teeth. Yes.

I once took a city with five men and a lame goat. If I can do that, you can convince the necromancers to pledge themselves to you. Do this or die.

Jack didn’t fully get Jesus. Audrey tried to explain it, and he could repeat it back to her, word for word, but he still didn’t comprehend most of it. The best he could gather was that Jesus lived long ago, told people to be nice, and they killed him for it. At the end, he asked who was Jesus’ necromancer and if he was in the Bible, then Kaldar couldn’t stop laughing and had to sit down.

...sometimes what you go looking for isnt as important as what you leave behind.

She crouched with her hand out. What the hell was she doing… Here, kitty, kitty, kitty. Oh my God, she was retarded and I was going to kill Jim.

Did those nice church ladies come by again? He nodded. I asked them if a man died and then the woman remarried, and then the three of them met in heaven, would it be a sin for them to have a threesome, since they were all married in Gods eye. And they decided they were late to be somewhere else.

You will not pass!” Roman thundered.Great. Now he had decided he was Gandalf.

Would you like to borrow a pair of my panties to wave around at the next Council meeting to get the point across?”His eyes flashed. “Got any to spare?” I could’ve picked somebody rational. But no, I had to fall in love with this arrogant idiot. Come to the Keep with me, be my princess. Mourn me when your crazy dad kills me. Yeah, right.

Kates Speciality: Killing things, with much bloodshed. Talking trash, infuriating authority. Driving Beast Lord crazy.

She handed him a glass of water and two Aleve gelcaps. “They’re anti-inflammatories. They will dull the pain a little bit and keep down swelling and redness. Swallow the pills, don’t chew.”“Well, I thought I’d stick them into my nose and impersonate a walrus, but if you insist, I’ll swallow them.

When in doubt, poke the beehive with a stick to see if anything interesting flies out.I clapped my hands. I had no idea Pit teams had such pretty cheerleaders. Can you do it again, but with more spirit this time?

Minutes passed by. A little blue butterfly landed on my nose. I blinked at it and it fluttered to my ear. A big yellow butterfly gently floated over and landed on my paw. Soon a whole swarm of them floated up and down around me, like a swirl of multicolored petals. It happened in my backyard, too, if the magic was strong enough. Butterflies were small and light, and very magic sensitive. For some reason I made them feel safe and they gravitated to me like iron shavings to a magnet. They ruined my ferocious badass image, but you’d have to be a complete beast to swat butterflies.If a baby deer frolicked out from between the buildings trying to cuddle up, I would roar. I wouldn’t bite it, but I would roar. I had my limits.

He raised his hand in a peaceful gesture. You need to relax a bit, dove. Like Mouse over there. You trust me, dont you, Mouse?Nope!Ahhh, Im hurt. Nobody likes me.

Just stay close to us. If we get in trouble, well kill everything.

He had the prettiest hair she had ever seen on a man: dark brown, almost black, and soft like sable, it fell down to his shoulders. She wondered what hed do if she threw some mud in it. Probably kill her.

Kid 1: *examining my gorgeous strawberry and blueberry pies*: Wow, Mom, your pies don’t look awful this time.Me (Ilona): ...~A little later~Kid 2: *wandering into the kitchen*Kid 1: Hey, you’ve got to see these pies. *opening the stove*Kid 2: Wow. They are not ugly this time.Kid 1: I know, right?

Youre right, my problems are the biggest problems ever, George said. No, honestly, its horrible to be me. Im rich, talented, and I make girls cry.How do you make girls cry, exactly?George turned to her. His blue eyes widened. His lovely face took on a forlorn, deeply troubled expression. He leaned forward, and, in a theatrical whisper, said, My past is tragic. I wouldnt want to burden you with it. Its a pain I must suffer alone. In the rain. In silence.

Did I hurt you in the parking lot?No, mlady. I fell, so I could put a tracker on your car.Great.

At the door, Audrey called, Are you coming?No, just breathing hard, love. He glanced at her and was rewarded by an outraged glare, followed by, Oh, my God!